Legend Of Zelda: Knil's Adventure - The Ocarhino of Crime (Rated 15)

[EHW]

Fine: 5 readers. That's you, Wolfie, Domi, Ryu and Darky, when he checks it out.

[DarkIceZella]

*Drums finger on table*

When's next chapter?

[XeroZega]

Fine: 5 readers. That's you, Wolfie, Domi, Ryu and Darky, when he checks it out.

Be happy you have readers. As so far, I have none. XD

[Kageito]

I bet that we're dying for the next chapter, right guys? *looks around hopefully*

Hope it comes soon!

[EHW]

((Fine, due to fans comments (never thought I'd say that), I've ripped his chapter and edited it, as he said lately. He's too lazy to do that himself, apparantly...))

Chapter 6

Oh, who the hell cares... just read the damn story!

Navi: Get back here you f****** brat!!!!

Knil: Help! Help! I'm being chased by a demented lightbulb!

Saria: LINK!

*Knil ground to a halt as he heard that word, before Navi crashed into him from behind*

Navi: Owwww! Why did you stop?

Knil: Her!

*Knil pointed at the green - haired bimbo who was waving at them*

Navi: What the f*** does she want!?

Knil: Let's check! If she's useless, we can kill her anyway!

Navi: Good Point!

*Knil & Navi walked up to the waving bimbo*

Knil & Navi: What the hell do you want!?

Saria: I was wondering if you would like to have this Ocarhino!

Knil: Don't you mean Ocarina?

Saria: Yes, that's it!

*Saria handed the puzzled Knil a strange item*

Knil: What the hell is this for?

Navi: An Ocarina's basically a flute, but it's shaped like a sex toy!

Knil: SWEET!!!

Saria: Also, could you come and watch some movies with me?

Knil & Navi: What movies?

Saria: Oh just Cars, Transformers, Finding Nemo, Toy Story, Ratatouille, Shrek, Harry Potter: The Prisoner of Azkaban....

Knil & Navi: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Knil & Navi ran away from the green - haired bimbo & out of the Kokiri Forest into Hyrule Field*

Saria: Why am I the only one who likes c***** movies?

*Meanwhile...*

Eido: Read it and weep guys!

*Eido revealed his cards and showed he had a Royal Flush*

Skull Kid 1: F***!

Skull Kid 2: God damn it!

Skull Kid 3: NOOOO!!!!!

Skull Kid 4: Do you guys know where the TV remote is?

Eido, Skull Kid 1, 2 & 3: NO!

Vaati: If you guys don't shut it so I can listen to my music, I'll rip your heads off!

*Back to the comic relief character...*

Knil: Well this sucks!

Navi: Oh, stop whining, will you!?

Knil: No, you c***** light... Is that an owl flying toward us?

Navi: Eh? Oh c***!

*The owl flew onto a nearby branch and looked down on the two adventurers*

Owl: Duh! Duh duh duh! Waow, waow waow! Woaw woaw waow waow waow waow, woaw waow waow waow waow waow waow, waow waow waow waow!...

Knil & Navi: STOP SINGING YOUR THEME SONG!!!!!!!

Owl: Sorry! Let me introduce myself, I am...

Knil: Annoying Bloody Owl bent on being a c***!

Owl: Yes my name is Annoying Bloody... MY NAME IS NOT ANNOYING BLOODY OWL!! It's Kaepora Gaebora!

Knil: Oh so your name is Cave - Porter Gay - Borer!

Cave - Porter Gay - Borer: Quite correct! Now you must listen to my pointless hints that you already know!

Knil: What an idiot. He doesn't realise I called him Cave - Porter Gay - Borer... No way! I'm not listening to you! And you can go straight to hell!

*Knil pulls out his Slingshot and fires Deku Nuts into the owl's eyes*

Cave - Porter Gay - Borer: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I'M BLIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*The owl fell to the floor in agony before having his beak, wings, legs and head chopped off*

Navi: What the f*** was the point in that!?

Knil: Do you want to hear some pointless owl rant on all day?

Navi: No...

Knil: Well then! Do you want the wings or the legs?

Navi: Legs please!

*Knil started raosting the owls corpse on a fire while Navi looked across Hyrule Field before she saw someone running across it*

Navi: Eh!? OI!!! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?

: Why I'm Sora, and this is my fairy, Domi! Who are you two?

Domi: Hey there, good - looking...

Navi: Umm... okay? I'm Navi! And that idiot over there is Link!

Sora: Link! You can't mean my long lost brother, do you?

Navi: No... that Link died three months ago! Don't you remember?

Sora: Oh yeah!

Domi: I'm hungry...

Knil: OI! LIGHTBULB!! COME AND GET IT!!!

Navi: FINE!!!! Lousy good for nothing c***** kid Hey! I've got an idea! How would you like to join us?

Sora: Sure! Why not, I suppose.

*Navi, Sora & Domi walked over to the fire where Knil had already finished his parts of the owl & was sizing up Navi's*

Navi: Link! This is Sora! And this is Domi! They're joining us for dinner!

Knil: You mean you! I'm leaving for that ranch over there so see you guys later! Or not!

*Knil ran off towards the looming ranch in the middle of the landscape leaing the others behind. Meanwhile...*

Saria: Did you like that one?

Skull Kid 4: Yes! Lets watch Whoopi Goldberg now!

Saria: Yay! Whoopi Goldberg!

*Meanwhile...*

Skull Kid 2: Yes! Now we can finally play LoZ: TP in peace!

Skull Kid 1: All right!

Skull Kid 3: Awww! I wanted to play Four Swords Adventure though.

Skull Kid 1 & 2: Oh yeah! Great idea bud!

To be continued...

[Kageito]

Awesome! I love it, and it made me laugh when you put in that part about the ocarina. Shaped like a sex toy lolz. Hehe, reminds me of the AS, only better at some parts.

[EHW]

Hey, half of it is based off of LOZ:AS by Adam. Darky just loves that series...

[Kageito]

Meh too. I'm yet again rooting for another chapter, cuz I'm addicted to LoZ. Maybe early, but yeah.

[EHW]

((And, seeing as I actually feel I can be bothered to do this today, here is Chapter 7 as well!))

Chapter 7

Knil: Ha Ha! Suckers!

*Meanwhile...*

Sora: What the f*** was that on about!?

Navi: Don't ask.

Domi: Should we follow him?

Navi: Nah! Let's eat first.

*Back to the idiot... Knil: I'M NOT AN IDIOT!!!!*

Knil: Sweet! A cow ranch! BEEF TIME!!!!!!!!!!

*Knil starts skewering all the cows. Meanwhile...*

Eido: Why am I in every single chapter?

Dark_Link & EHW: Because we say so, that's why!

*Sorry about that! Argument with a character. Now back to the actual story...*

Knil: YUM!!! Beef taste good!

Talon: OI!!! Stop eating our cow's aaaa!

Knil: F*** OFF!!!!

Ingo: SHUT UP AAA!!!! Lui... I mean Ingo is trying to work here!

Talon: Mar... I mean Talon is too aaa!

Knil: Oh c***! Two utter retards suddenly appeared!

*Knil gets up & brandishes his sword*

Knil: Time to DIE!!!!!!!

Talon & Ingo: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Just before Knil chopped off Talon & Ingo's heads someone else appears out of nowhere*

Malon: What the hell are you two doing!?

Knil, Talon & Ingo: Eh!?

*Knil accidently chopped off Talon & Ingo's heads*

Knil: Oops! Oh well!

Malon: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh well it's just those s****!

Knil: You have issues b****!

Malon: So do you!

Knil: Say what you want. But, do want to play a game?

Malon: What game?

Knil: The Cannon Mini - Game from Phantom Hourglass, of course! But if I win, I get that black pony there!

*Knil pointed at a black stallion pony that was kicking down all the fences*

Malon: And if I win... you get the horse anyway!

Knil: Eh!?

Malon: He's a menace, so you can have him.

Knil: Why not just give him to me then?

Malon: I like playing the Mini - Game!

Knil: Fair enough!

*Knil & Malon whipped out their DS's & their copies of PH, then started the battle for the best score*

Malon: Ha! I got 3440!

Knil: You suck! I got 5860!

Malon: ...

Knil: Now then, give me the horse!

Malon: There, now get lost!

*Malon handed Knil the black pony*

Malon: His name is Larry!

Knil: Sod that! His new name is Darky!

Darky: Neigh neigh neigh! "Yeah! Now that's a cool name!"

*Knil got on the back of Darky*

Knil: To the Castle! And for the record - recolour your hair, you ginger muppet!

*Knil rode out of the ranch leaving Malon gobsmacked*

Malon: Ginger? WAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

*Meanwhile...*

Navi: That was tasty!

Sora: Yes, yes it was!

Domi: Now we need some dessert. I'm for whipped cream...

Navi: Come on! We better go get that c***!

Sora: Fine! Don't see why we should go after his sorry ass but still.

*The girls walked off into the distance toward the ranch, unknowing of what Knil had done there*

Navi: I wonder if he ate all the cows?

To be continued...

[Kageito]

You've probably heard it before, but I can't say anything else: This rocks.

[America]

XD "I wonder if he ate all the cows?"  That's a great line.

[Kageito]

XD "I wonder if he ate all the cows?"  That's a great line.

You know it, Ryuu, you know it. XDDD Come home soon EHW!!!!!! *is still jealous* I just can't shake it off.

[EHW]

((Wow - I'm really into LoZ at the moment - so much I feel the need to post Chpater 8. And I thought I was going to be going slowly...))

Chapter 8

Knil: YIPPEE! WOOHOO!! WEE!!!

Darky: Neigh! "C***!"

*Knil rode Darky across Hyrule Field toward the towering castle in the distance*

Knil: When I rule this c***** place, I'm so goin to have a bigger f****** castle!

Darky: Neigh Sniff Neigh Neigh! "Keep telling yourself that!"

*Meanwhile...*

Sora: Where the hell did he go!?

Malon: Sniff Sniff... He went that way.

*Malon pointed toward the castle*

Domi: Oh f****** great! Now we have to go to the castle and stop the little s***!

Sora: I'll try get some horses. OI! GINGER GIRL! COULD WE HAVE TWO HORSES!!!

Malon: WAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Navi: Oh f****** great! Now you've upset the ginger so we'll have to nick the horse!

Sora: Don't you mean horses!?

Navi: Hello! Fairy! I can't ride a horse! I'll just sit on yours!

Malon: WAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Navi & Sora: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Malon: Sniff sniff...

Domi: That's much better - now for the ****! I mean, umm... doughnuts! Yeah, donuts...

*Back to the almost evil kid... Knil: What do you mean!? Almost!?*

Knil: OPEN UP!!! OPEN THE DRAWBRIDGE!!!!

Town Guard 1: Huh? Did you hear something?

Town Guard 2: Yer - you! Now come on we've just found two prostitutes, so let's make use of them!

Town Guard 1 & 2: Oi! We'll pay you 100 Rupees each to sleep with us!

Prostitutes 1 & 2: Okay boys!

Knil: OH, YOU PEOPLE ARE DEAD!!!!!!

*Now to a new character...*

: I pledge my alegience sire! Eh!

King of Hyrule: Your alegience is appreciated Canadian Ginger Black Guy!

: I told you my name is Canadorf!

King of Hyrule: Whatever! Now servant bring me some 100 Year old Shiekah Whisky, NOW!

Servant: Yes, master!

*Back to the pointless b******...*

Navi: Finally we're here!

Sora: Yes we are! But if you've noticed the drawbridge is up!

Domi: Dammit. I wanted a nice cosy bed to sleep in...

: Take that you b*******! That's for not letting me in!

Navi: Eh? That sounds like Link...

*Back to Knil...*

Knil: ... And that! And that! And that!

Town Guard 1: Please no! Please no! I don't want to die!

Knil: That's exactly what your f****** friend said! And now look at him.

*Knil pointed to an utterly mutilated corpse that was unrecognizable as even a man*

Town Guard 1: AHHHHH!!!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Knil: To bad! It's too late! No one will come! Now DIE!!!!!!

Town Guard 1: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

: WHAT THE F***!!!!!!

Knil: What piece of cow c*** is that!?

: Me you Kokiri s***!

Knil: Lightbulb!?

Navi: Yes me, you c***!

Domi: Now, open the drawbridge!

Knil: F*** YOU!

*Knil walked off into the town leaving the girls outside*

Navi: GET BACK HERE YOU B******!!!

Sora: It's too late. He's gone.

Navi: F*** THAT!!!

Domi: Well, as we're alone, want to have some fun together, Navi?

Navi: What do you mean 'fun'?

*Meanwhile...*

Servant: Here is the whiskey you asked for, your Majesty.

King of Hyrule: Oh, stop being such a poof and fetch me some grub!

Servant: Steak? Sire.

King of Hyrule: Yes Steak! What else does a king eat! Stupid bloody f****** servants!

Canadorf: Could I have some too? Eh!

King of Hyrule: Yes you can! Servant! Bring Canadorf his own Steak!

Servant: Yes Sire! Right away Sire! God I hate this job!

Canadorf: Thank you Sire! Eh!

King of Hyrule: Don't mention it you Canadian Black guy!

To be continued...

Eido: Where were me and Vaati? We didn't star in this chapter. I - oh, I don't care that much. I think we're recruiting evil people to my cause, or something...

[Kageito]

I'm sure you were Eido, I'm sure you were XDDD

[America]

Eido: Where were me and Vaati? We didn't star in this chapter. I - oh, I don't care that much. I think we're recruiting evil people to my cause, or something...

Best line Eido ever had in this story. XD

Domi: Well, as we're alone, want to have some fun together, Navi?

Navi: What do you mean 'fun'?

No comment. >_>