*** Chapter 31: What, You Were Expecting Someone Else? ***
Dear Diary,
Hey, it’s me again (what, you were expecting-? . . . nevermind . . .) and let me tell you, it’s good to be alive! This shall be my last entry in here, but it was fun while it lasted. As soon as I finish, I will be leaving this place for a little while. But I’ll be back. Here’s the conclusion of the battle we had with the Three Giants of Mary-Sue’s legendary prophecy.
*Flashback*
Kenta: Hold up a second!!
Steven: Huh? *Jerks back his hand in mid-throw, clutching a Poke’Ball* Ow! My arm!
Kenta: (Mary-Sue, I thought Phertop was a prophet! Why did she point out the wrong Three Giants?!)
Mary-Sue: i dont no
Kenta: *Sigh* This is what I get for trusting gypsies who get their future-sight from anywhere other than the real God. Looking back on it, heck, I could've "predicted" all that Chosen One prophecy crap!
Steven: Ah-hem! Other people here, you know!
Kenta: Keep your pants on! (Okay, here's the plan. I'll take on Steven and try to beat him, then you maul up the other two Giants that come along. Got it?)
Mary-Sue: y do i gota fite 2
Kenta: Because nobody seems able to beat you. You're Mary-Sue! Now quit-
Steven: The dramatic "Champion Battle" theme music started ages ago! I'm done waiting, go Skarmory!
Kenta: Oh, fine, be that way. Blaziken, come out! Blaze Kick!
Skarmory: Wark-! *Boom!*
Steven: What in the-?! One hit??
Kenta: Woah! Not bad.
Steven: Hmph. Lucky first shot . . . but now try your luck with AGGRON!
Kenta: Let's see . . . Aggron is Rock/Steel . . . that's x4 weakness to Fighting!
Steven: Sorry, didn't catch that, what?
Kenta: Uh, nothing. Blaziken, Sky Uppercut!
Aggron: Urk-! *Boom!*
Steven: GAH! Not again . . .
Kenta: Hey, this might not actually be as hard as I thought.
*Five minutes later*
Cradily: Gawrk-! *Boom!*
Steven: GODDAMMIT!!
Mary-Sue: omg
Kenta: Note to self: In Blaziken's presence, never insult anyone by calling them "chicken" again.
Steven: Well Kenta, you've done very well up until now . . . but my Metagross will put an end to your Blaziken's rampage.
Kenta: Uh . . . Stevie? your Metagross is dead. Remember? You sent it out to pound Gardevoir three minutes ago, and then Blaziken reentered and took her place.
Steven: Oh. Is that why the battle music stopped playing?
Kenta: Probably.
Steven: Uh-huh. Well then. Kudos to you. You are a truly noble Poke'Mon trainer. (NOOOOO! How could I possibly lose so badly to this talentless wisecracker?!)
Kenta: I heard that! Stop making fun of my heroic flaws!
Mary-Sue: so wat hapnens now
Silhouette: Now comes judgment. *"Kresnik" plays in the background*
Kenta: Hi Merlin.
Silhouette: Boy, nobody can have a nice dramatic entrance with you around, Kenta.
Mary-Sue: o no not u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Steven: Merlin Durai! Watch out for that kid's Blaziken, it's totally nuts-
Merlin: Thank you, Steven, but I'd be more worried about his Flygon. Mary-Sue, Kenta, Drake told me about what happened back in his room.
Kenta: It was his own stupid fault for mocking-
Merlin: -He also brought it to my attention that he called the SWAT team. Do you have any thoughts in regard to why they haven't arrived yet?
Kenta: Um . . .
Merlin: They cannot breach the crowds of cloaked children with The Voice, blocking the way. Hoenn is literally swarming with these trainers. Kenta, I believe I warned you some time ago that an event like this would come about.
Mary-Sue: but godmod wil-
Merlin: -Eliminate you if you do not fulfill his prophecy. I know. But this world cannot exist as long as you infest it. I stand in your path, not as your enemy, but as a man who's sympathies lie with everyone who will ever suffer the injustices of power-playing, bunnying, spotlight-hogging, illegible writing, and every other element of god-modding.
Kenta: Man, does he look pissed off. I think we've just encountered the Black Giant.
Mary-Sue: hes teh balk gient?
?
Kenta: Wha-? YES, Mary-Sue! And I'm starting to think that we shouldn't be fighting him, but trying to control all those caped kids out there that are out-of-hand! You're their leader for whatever reason, they'll listen to you!
Mary-Sue: i cant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!11
Kenta: Mary-Sue!
Merlin: Lapras! Marowak! I'm counting on you!
(A/N: Okay, look, this epic battle scene is optional. You can view it if you want to by highlighting the text, but it’s not really all that funny. All this is, pretty much, is proof that Merlin Durai is in fact every bit as intelligent a trainer as he’s cracked up to be.)
Mary-Sue: go richu n sucun tundrbotl ad surf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Merlin: Perish Song, Lapras! Marowak, Protect!
*Marowak's Lightningrod absorbs Thunderbolt! Marowak protected itself against Suicune’s Surf. Lapras's Water Absorb restores its health!*
Mary-Sue: drn sucun hidropupm marwak richu takl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Merlin: Lapras, Whirlpool! Protect again, Marowak!
*Marowak tries and fails to Protect, and Suicune and Raichu blast it out of the arena*
Merlin: You did your part, Marowak, thank you so much . . . Swellow, your go!
Kenta: What the-? What’s he thinking, using a Swellow??
Mary-Sue: thndrbotl swelow hidropump laprs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Merlin: Swellow, Endure! Lapras, Safeguard!
Kenta: Mary-Sue, you idiot! Water-type attacks don’t work on Lapras, you saw that earlier!
*Swellow falls to a sliver of life remaining, and eats a Salac Berry. Lapras casts a protective aura over the party. Mary-Sue’s attacks end*
Kenta: Hey, isn’t Perish Song on its last count? Mary-Sue had better recall her Poke’Mon if they’re going to survive this!
Mary-Sue: huh i cant retrn mi pokmn???/
Kenta: (Oh wait, that’s right, he used Whirlpool to lock them in. MAN this guy is tough, he’s three steps ahead in everything! I’m glad I called Steven.)
Steven: Sh-shut up . . .
Mary-Sue: rrrrrr sucun atak swelow richu tundr laprs
Merlin: Swellow, Protect! Return, Lapras . . . you’re up, Garchomp! (A/N: Poke#445)
*Once again, Mary-Sue’s attacks are neutralized. Perish Song forces Suicune and Raichu to their knees, and drops them for the count*
Kenta: Oh my god . . . this guy’s unbelievable. And . . . wait a second, where’d he get that hammerhead shark thingy from? That’s only allowed in D/P!
Steven: That one, he got in a . . . well, you’ll see. Look, these aren’t his usuals. He’s pulled together a team designed solely for taking down godmod Poke’Mon. You can’t get ‘em with direct attacks, so your only choice is to nail ‘em with moves absolutely guaranteed to work.
Kenta: Well, he’s already done the impossible. He took down two of Mary-Sue’s Poke’Mon, and the only other person who was ever able to do that was Ash.
Mary-Sue: god job richu suicun ok go pika n espon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Steven: Keep watching. You haven’t seen his ace yet.
Mary-Sue: pika tundrbotl swelo espon sikik otr on
Merlin: Swellow, attack Pikachu with Endeavor! Return Garchomp . . . Tyranitar!
*Swellow manages to get in the first hit on Pika, before being blown away by a lightning bolt large enough to black out New York. Espeon strikes Tyranitar with Psychic instead of Garchomp, doing a whopping zero damage. Tyranitar’s Sand Stream comes into effect, flicking off Pika’s last hitpoint from Endeavor*
Kenta: He just did the impossible again. Nobody’s ever knocked out Pika. Aw dude, they’re tied now! I never thought this would happen, but . . . I don’t know who to root for.
Steven: Well pick one side or the other, but for god sakes, don’t half-ass it!
Mary-Sue/Merlin: go artcuno / Come out again! Lapras!
Kenta: Merlin’s got it made with that Tyranitar . . . it’s got a big-time type advantage over both of Mary-Sue’s Poke’Mon.
Mary-Sue: espon us retrn artuno us ic beem destoy tyrantr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Merlin: Protect, Tyranitar! One more Perish Song, Lapras!
*Tyranitar, who would have easily lived though the attacks had they not come from godmod Poke’Mon, barely gets up Protect in time to avoid being butchered on the spot. Lapras uses Perish Song again*
Merlin: Good decoy work, Tyranitar.
Kenta: Okay, I’m starting to get bored of seeing that same move used over and over again.
Steven: Somehow I get the feeling that only you could be bored by the deciding battle for the universe.
Mary-Sue: fin if tyrantr wont di then atak lapris
Merlin: (Sorry, Alora . . .) Tyranitar, Thunder Wave Articuno!
*Lapras gets stricken by Espeon’s Psychic, which alone should have knocked her out, then Articuno’s Ice Beam, which although is x4 weak to her type, finishes the job anyway since Articuno is godmod*
Merlin: Garchomp! Hold out for just a little longer!
*Perish count: 2*
Mary-Sue: espon atk shark wit sikik artcuno us ic beem on tyrantr
Merlin: Thunder Wave the Espeon, Tyranitar! Gachomp, Sand Attack!
*Espeon misses Garchomp with Psychic. Articuno, however, manages to nail Tyranitar with a perfectly-aimed Ice Beam. Perish count: 1*
Mary-Sue: huh whyd espon mis
Merlin: Garchomp’s special ability is Sand Veil, which increases his evasiveness in a sandstorm. Tyranitar, though downed, has armed his ally well. Now, Garchomp, Meteoric Storm!
Mary-Sue: no hury guys finsh it
*Articuno is fully paralyzed. Espeon somehow manages to hit Garchomp with Psychic, while easily enduring Meteoric Storm* Mary-Sue: ya i won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Merlin: *Recalling Garchomp with a grim smile* Don’t be so sure about that.
*Perish count: 0. Articuno and Espeon faint from the KO*
Kenta: Double knockout . . . so who won?
Mary-Sue: *Pulling out her Time Flute* nether yet
Merlin: The battle isn’t over. We’ve each got one Poke’Mon left.
Mary-Sue: com celbi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Merlin: Missingno! Let’s finish this!
*Celebi appears out of thin air before Mary-Sue. Merlin releases a creature shrouded behind a mist of blurs, which gives a similar-sounding screech to Zapdos’s*
Kenta: What in the-?! What is that??
Merlin: Poke’Dex #0, the alpha and the omega of certified Poke’Mon. A Poke’Mon, yet not a Poke’Mon, and a mystery deeper than the Unown. Behold-
Kenta: All right, all right, I didn’t ask for your life’s story!
Merlin: I was almost done! Behold, level 255, Missingno!
Steven: (You can do that with Missingos at level 136. But after feeding them so many Rare Candies, they go back to 0. 255’s as far as it lets you go. Oh, and he’s only got two moves on him, Water Gun and-)
Kenta: (What did I just get through saying about life’s story??)
Mary-Sue: celbi u can beet it suny day
Merlin: If you’re aiming to use the Sunny Day/Solarbeam combo, it’s not going to work on a Normal/Flying type . . . Missingno, Sky Attack!
Kenta: Holy CRAP, he is tough! Why do I keep saying that?
*Five badly-called moves and Sky Attacks later*
Celebi: Gawrk-! *Boom!*
Merlin: . . . it’s over.
Mary-Sue: .................................
Kenta: Is this . . . really happening? Merlin Durai beat Mary-Sue?
Steven: Looks that way. The conquest of the godmods ends here.
Kenta: No! . . . it can’t end this way! Not after all that’s happened!
Steven: Listen to you! You get all flustered at the thought of Mary-Sue winning and dominating the League, and then when she loses you complain. Make up your damn mind!
Kenta: Sorry Merlin, but it’s not over yet. I can’t submit now.
Merlin: Are you going to fight me with your Flygon? I don’t think you understand the situation. Missingno has defeated the head legendary of the Chosen One herself. One more godmod Poke’Mon will be nothing to him. You don’t have to resist anymore, Kenta. You’ve defeated Steven. You’re the Champion.
Kenta: No, not yet. And I don’t plan to use Godzilla to win this. Instead, I’m going to finish what Mary-Sue started with the most unlikely candidate of all . . . my team’s level 21 Poke’Mon.
Merlin: Would you elaborate?
Kenta: I’d be glad to. I choose you, Dark! *Flings Dark’s ball, the Shedinja appears on the field*
Everyone:
!!!*End flashback*
For a moment, time stood still. Seriously, I could’ve sculpted the whole scene just then. Everyone stared at Shedinja, and one word formed on Merlin’s lips. I can’t say for sure, but I think it was “checkmate.” Then he inclined his head, smiled sadly, and clapped his hands together softly.
*Flashback*
Merlin: Well, I never imagined I’d be saying this, but someone has bested my team . . . using a level 21 Poke’Mon with one hitpoint. Congratulations, Kenta. I surrender this victory to you.
Kenta: Wow! Thank you, dumb luck!
Mary-Sue: …………………………………
Kenta: Hey, Mary-Sue, you’re watching this, right? We won!
Steven: And what do you plan to do with this win?
Kenta: Huh?
Merlin: “Three giants shall bar the path: the gray, the black, and the white, but the Chosen One shall emerge victorious in the end and reverse the current reality as it is at present.” As the last standing trainer here, Kenta, you’re the deciding factor as to whether Mary-Sue moves on or stops here. You are the
White Giant.
Kenta: NO @#$%ING WAY. Are you serious?!
Merlin: The battles even unfolded in the order of the prophecy. Gray-haired Steven. Black-haired Merlin. White-haired Kenta. You, however, will not be fighting in a Poke’Mon battle. *Jerks* Oh no. The mass-disturbance in the atmosphere . . . it’s back . . .
Mary-Sue:
That is correct. But this time you know what, or rather, who it is.Kenta: Mary-Sue??
Merlin: You’re not Mary-Sue. And you ought to be ashamed for using your own daughter as a puppet.
Mary-Sue:
Perceptive as always, Durai. But you shall not talk down to God Mod.Steven: Who do you think you-
Mary-Sue:
Silence.*Raises arms and rams Steven against the left wall, and Merlin against the right*
So, Support, enjoying your status as the White Giant?Kenta: Oh, you can take this little game of titles and shove it straight up your ass. I hate you and you hate me, just as the lyrics go in the “Kill Barney” dubbed theme song. No more small talk, what do you want?
Mary-Sue:
The destruction of this RPG, of course. Ah, but you knew that. I want you to take Pika’s Poke’Ball from Mary-Sue and go to the back room. Place it in one of the Poke’Ball slots where the new Champion’s Poke’Mon are recorded. Pika will send a blast of electricity through the system and black it out, completely frying the Poke’Mon League hard drive. This will, in turn, erase the last symbol of authority in the land, and my people shall overtake this world.Kenta: Pika’s fainted. How’s she supposed to zap the system in that condition?
Mary-Sue:
It’s the Year of the Pikachu, remember? I made sure to add that little touch just for this event. I think you’ll find Pika fully functional for the task ahead. Now do it.Kenta: And if I don’t?
Mary-Sue:
You are in no position to be resisting. Hundreds of my minions are headed through the Elite Fours’ rooms even as we speak, to witness our uprising. One way or another, the Chosen One will emerge victorious. Now either you can do it, or-Kenta: *Trying to pry Pika’s Poke’Ball out of Mary-Sue’s fingers* Well it would help if you’d let go of the ball!
Mary-Sue: dont do it
Kenta: Huh?
Mary-Sue:
More friction?? I-Impossible . . . no trainer can still go on without any Poke’Mon remaining!Kenta: Apparently Mary-Sue’s still there, and I think I know why. You just backed yourself into a corner, o great and powerful God Mod, by regenerating Mary-Sue’s Pikachu.
Mary-Sue:
No! How dare you question my competence! Mary-Sue does what I say, or else she loses-Kenta: Or else she loses what? What’s there left to lose for her, now? She was defeated by a non-godmod trainer. She just found out that her Support is also the White Giant. And now you’re possessing her body and not even giving her speaking room. Why should she listen to you anymore? She doesn’t.
Mary-Sue:
She . . . dos . . . doe . . . . . . .Kenta: *As “Glory, Glory Halleluiah” plays in the background* I took her place when Missingno felled her last Poke’Mon. I stood up for her, even though I didn’t completely agree with her, because she’s my friend. And as the “White Giant” from your stupid prophecy, I do bar the way. Not her way, though, but your way. The Chosen One shall emerge victorious. Not you.
Mary-Sue:
NOBODY D- . . . . . . . . . . . kenta???/
Kenta: Mary-Sue-! . . . you got my name right. *Grins* What, you were expecting someone else?
Mary-Sue: hes tryn 2 gt bak in my hed
Kenta: Well then, let’s hurry up and fulfill the prophecy, our way. Use those weird powers he gave you to reverse the current reality as it is present!
Mary-Sue: but he watns tht
Kenta: Heh, he wants a world full of bickering children with The Voice. Well news flash, it’s already happened! Reversing the reality puts everything back to normal.
Mary-Sue: o ya i se it now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
Leros & Kaira: *Bursting through the door to Steven’s chamber*
No! Don’t you dare-*End flashback*
Mary-Sue emitted this brilliant Jesus-light all of a sudden, doing that stereotypical Beast-turns-human sequence from Beauty and the Beast that’s been in about a thousand other shows now. Predictably enough, it expanded outwards and shot through anything and everything it reached. Since I’m looking back on this, by now I’ve gotten several eyewitness accounts of what happened in the outside world. Trainers with The Voice suddenly lost their cloaks and capes to the average Jr. Trainer-style shirts and shorts, and any legendaries they had transformed into mediocre Poke’Mon. For instance, any Regirocks would become Geodudes, any Rayquazas would turn into Ekans, and so on. Normal, honest trainers weren’t affected by the phenomenon, but they did suddenly find themselves winning any battles they were having against formerly-cloaked trainers rather than losing. God Mod must’ve vanished or something, because I didn’t hear from him again, but for that time being I wasn’t concerned about that. I already knew we’d won. God Mod is nothing without his minions, and he was too late to realize he’d bestowed upon Mary-Sue the key to his undoing.
************************************************** *******
Epilogue . . .
************************************************** *******
*Flashback*
Leros: Huh? . . . what was that?
Kaira: I don’t know. But look, it’s those brats again!
Leros: Well, you know the drill. *Ahem!* We’re Team Aqua!
Kaira: Yeah! Give us all your Poke’Mon!
Steven: *Conscious again* Do you THINK you can do me a favor, and not yell so damn loud?! I’ve got a headache!
Merlin: Heh . . . well, what do you know. It’s over this time. It’s really over.
Kenta: Leros and Kaira? Since when have you guys used such legible text?
Leros: Listen to him. He’s mocking us!
Kaira: So let’s get him! Go Crawdaunt, Gyarados!
Mary: Let’s show ‘em, Kenta! Come on out, Articuno!
Kenta: Errrrr . . . (just go with the flow, Kenta, it’s better not to ask questions . . .) let’s do this, Blaziken!
*Four Poke’Mon appear on the field. Kaira’s Poke’Mon consist of Corphish and Magikarp. Mary’s Poke’Mon is a Pidgey. Only Kenta’s Blaziken is still the same*
Leros: H-hey! Our Poke’Mon suck again . . .
Kenta: Well then! Since I’ve got the only **** Poke’Mon on the field and thus, we’re in no immediate danger of losing, I think we have time to ask questions after all. Who are you?
Mary: What . . . do you mean?
Kenta: Well, you look like Mary-Sue, but you speak with perfect grammar. *Stiffens in fear a moment* Wait a second. You’re not Anti-Sue, are you?
Mary: No, it’s me. Mary. We’ve been going around fighting people and aiming to be Poke’Mon masters of the Hoenn Region for months! And now that we’ve done it, all that’s left to do is beat Leros and . . . *trails off, noticing that both Corphish and Magikarp have been pummeled into the cement by Blaziken*
Leros: Mother of God, that brat has gotten tough. C’mon Kaira, let’s g-
Kenta: -get in that corner over there and not make another sound, unless you want my foot kicked so far up your ass that you’ll be flossing with my shoelaces. Move it!
Sue: *Banging through the doors to Steven’s chamber* Those sound like threats I’d utter. So quit stealing my character!
Merlin: Is that you, Anti-Sue?
Sue: Minus the anti. Where’s that stupid white-haired retard who nearly wrecked everything?!
Kenta/Brendan *Who’s just appeared behind Sue*: Present.
Ultima Weapon: *Coming out from the back room* Is it over? Did I miss the final boss fight? I had a pencil and clipboard ready to take notes, too . . .
Sonic: *Lying on Ultima Weapon’s head* Are those SWAT guys gone yet? They were chasing me outside, and I had to hide in this building . . . I coulda given the suckers a Sonic Spin, but they had heavy weapons. And I don’t do heavy weapons. I’m not Shadow.
Steven: Alright everyone, just calm down and shut up for a second!!
*Everyone calms down and shuts up for a second*
Steven: Thank you. Okay look, this whole thing started back when the first portal opened.
Kenta: Portal?
Steven: Yes, Kenta . . . God Mod's been opening portals to this world. At the time of the first opening, I was busy taking a crap in my house while reading the paper, when suddenly I heard a weird buzzing and crackling noise on my front lawn. I wanted to go investigate immediately, but I was out of toilet paper-
Merlin: Do you really need to tell us that part?
Steven: Please! Anyway, I was out of toilet paper, so I used the newspaper instead, then proceeded to rush out onto the lawn. And that’s where I met Merlin Durai, the man from another dimension. He didn’t tell me that right away though . . . instead, he said he felt a mass-disturbance in the atmosphere, as though a great evil has just been unleashed from its restraints, to wreak terrible havoc upon the world. In fact, now that I think back on it-
Merlin: I didn’t remember switching dimensions at all. It just turned into a theory, which turned out to be true.
Steven: Will you quit interrupting? Anyway! A couple more portals opened, all of which (as I've said) we believe were done by God Mod, making various additions to this world that would eventually throw it into madness. It’s sort of easy to tell who does and doesn’t belong, though. Merlin Durai definitely wasn’t a part of this land before . . .
Kenta: Oh! So like, Sonic and Missingno and Ultima Weapon came through portals too . . .
Steven: Indeed. God Mod lives to invoke chaos into RPGs. Who better to drag in than a talking blue hedgehog “Poke’Mon” with an attitude, and an insanely powerful ultimate “Poke’Mon” that would put Aruseus to shame?
Sonic: Yeah, brother! I’m the dude with the ‘tude!
Ultima Weapon: *Completely docile* Wouldn’t he have brought in other notorious people as well, though? Like Wile E. Coyote and Adolf Hitler?
Steven: Doubtlessly yes, but we haven’t exactly been able to keep track of all this. Everything kept piling up. First it was the new strangers to the world, then the phenomenon of The Voice, then of course the usual trouble with Team Aqua and Magma. We had a full plate, you know?
Mary: But that’s over now, right? God Mod has removed his influence from even me.
Sue: God Mod’s work never ends. When he fails to achieve his goal in one RPG, he just tries to screw over another. There’s probably a bunch of Mary-Sues in other Realms of Prediction Governing, which-
*End flashback*
At that moment, probably either by incredible coincidence or bad writing, a swirling vortex opened up at the back of Steven’s chamber, and two people came out. One of them was a man with long hair and a cool headband, and the other had azure hair and wore a cloak. Which should’ve been impossible by now.
*Flashback*
Terak (headband) : THERE you are, Kenta! We’ve been looking all over for you!
Picard: (cloak) : You haven’t visited Dawn/Dusk in ages. We’ve been worried sick, and here you were all this time, goofing off in Poke’Mon-land!
Kenta: Uh . . . Merlin?
Merlin: That’s right Kenta . . . neither of us belong in this world. Our place is in Dawn/Dusk, the medieval fighting RPG. Haven’t you ever wondered why you had a sword and fighting instincts?
Terak: Oh. Did we come at a bad time? Sorry, sorry, I don’t wanna rush you.
Picard: Yeah, no hurry. This portal could stay open for hours, as long as Terak keeps hitting the “doors open” elevator button in here.
Kenta: Wait a second, I don’t want to leave yet! There are so many things that I still don’t understand!
Steven: Oh, that’s an easy one. Have you guys ever seen Narnia?
*A bunch of muttering of “duh,” “of course,” and “who hasn’t seen Narnia?”*
Steven: Let’s just steal someone’s wardrobe, shove it into this portal, and chop out the back!
Brendan: Yeah! I vote the wardrobe be Dome Ace Tucker’s from Battle Frontier, as punishment for him dressing up like such a fruit all the time!
*More muttering of agreement*
Mary: Great! Well then, let’s roll!
*Five hours later; Kenta, Merlin, Picard and Terak are hauling the back end of the wardrobe while Steven, Brendan, Mary and Sue push on the front*
Kenta: (I already miss the five-minute intervals . . .) Geez, this dresser is heavy! Lousy rich people, and their genuine oak furniture . . .
Merlin: Lift with your legs, not your back . . . alright, let’s put it down. *BAM*
Brendan: OWWW! My toe!
Sue: Oh, cry me a river, wuss.
Mary: Okay, that oughta hold the portal open forever . . . so what now?
Steven: Our guests need to return to their own home RPGs. They were never supposed to be involved in Hoenn’s madness to begin with, but they got dragged into it anyway. We also have to round up all the other strangers to this place that might still be out there.
Picard: And you haven’t updated Dawn/Dusk for like, ever.
Kenta: But Steven, I’ll always be welcomed back, right?
Steven: Well . . .
Kenta: After all, I did kinda beat the Poke’Mon League. Me and Mary-Sue. I mean, Mary.
Steven: All right, all right (though you did also cause a lot of damage.) Come into the back room so that we can record your Poke’Mon in the hall of fame before you go.
*End flashback*
And so, I became the “champion” of the Hoenn League, even though Steven continued to lead the Elite Four anyway and nobody ever treated me any differently than before. I can go in between my own RPG and this one as I please now, and if nothing else, whenever I want to I can go to my PC and check out the Hall of Fame. So my adventure with Mary-Sue ends here, though there will always be some new thing to check out anytime I return. This diary’s been placed in the Hall of Fame beside my team, so that anyone who may someday wonder what this Champion was like will definitely find out, for the better or for the worse.
Anyway, it was fun,
-Kenta
*Flashback*
Kenta: Sweetness . . . look at that team photo! Blaziken, Gardevoir, Slaking, Trapinch (wait . . . Trapinch?), Milotic, Shedinja. Team Trainer . . . “Ketna”?!?! THAT’S NOT MY NAAAAAAAAME!!
*End flashback*
************************************************** ************
Credits
(As the theme song from Sister Princess, “Love Destiny,” plays in the background)
Written and Produced by: Kenta147
(Kenta says temporary goodbye to Blaziken, and gets him a last parting gift: 10 Proteins.)
Original Story by: The Poke’Mon Company
(The daycare people still want their 8,000 dollars. Kenta points out that his godly Flygon is just a Trapinch again, and therefore he’s not paying a dime. For that he gets a frying pan to the head.)
Cast-
Kenta & Mary-Sue: Protagonists
(Mr. Britany still hasn’t managed to catch and eat Peeko. But chasing her has put him in the best shape of his life, and earns him the position of Cycling Team captain.)
Merlin & Anti-Sue: Antagonists
(Kyogre and Groudon are roommates again. They still @#$%ing hate each other.)
Brendan & Phertop: Secondary characters
(Archie and Maxie return to third grade in attempt to get their elementary school diplomas. They get kicked out on the second day of class.)
Poke’Mon League & Gyms: Plot advancers
(Brendan considers Wally his new rival. He finally earns his eighth badge by stealing Wallace’s Donald Duck hat and exchanging it for the Rain Badge. He’s gone back to using his old Poke’Mon, but loses almost immediately to Sidney in the first Elite Four fight.)
Sonic & Other Copyrighted Characters: Party mix
(Satan captures the bad luck Absol from Chapter 20. He names it Pluto.)
God Mod: Story’s moral lesson
(Most of the portal strangers to Hoenn return to their lands. Sonic, however, decides to stay to see if he can find a way to meet the girl hedgehog from D/P.)
Team Magma & Aqua: Laughable “threats”
(Mary manages to raise her team to Pidgeot (Articuno), Espeon (Espeon), Pichu (Raichu), Pikachu (Pika), and Swampert (Suicune.) She loses fantastically to Sue, but still beats Brendan.)
Random People: Nameless nobodies
(Leros and Kaira decide to go back to Kenta’s world where they belong . . . after serving for twenty years in a chain gang.)
Special thanks to: Aaron751, Anthezar, Arctic Master, Burning Foot, CactusMaster, DB, Dragon_kni14, Chey20, Fury, Jiachen, Keated, Mikka, Noah, Nya_Chan, Orange Monkey, Raffy, Ryuji, Sleepingbeauty6, Slurp_slurp1, Spriter, StarrybluMew, Terak, The one and only….., Volcanoflame, and Zelo Creato. Thanks for all your support, guys, it really helped!
(God Mod is rediscovered in the show Zach Bell, where he’s chosen Sherry to serve as his new Mary-Sue. Somehow, nobody’s surprised at his pick.)
And all you godmods out there and kiddies with The Voice, thank YOU for unintentionally making this story’s plot possible! But seriously, quit hogging the spotlight, giving yourselves super powers over everyone else, and all that other n00bish junk. Thanks again!
(A group picture is taken (by Phertop) of the story’s characters in Mossdeep City, just outside Steven’s house. Mary’s smiling at the camera, Kenta’s giving Mary bunny ears, Sue is giving Kenta bunny ears, Merlin is trying to restrain Sue, Brendan is looking the wrong way from the camera, Steven’s staring impatiently at his watch, and Ash and Dubya are half-cut out of the frame, frozen in the position of trying to push each other out of the picture. In the background, Blaziken and Gardevoir can be seen decorating Steven’s house with toilet paper)
-End
Last-minute notes
Okay, I think it’s obvious enough that a lotta this stuff is roleplay symbolism. But to make it perfectly clear, this story mirrors a hypothetical thread in the RPG forum with two players taking part. One is the RPG’s creator, who takes up the Mary-Sue character. The other is the RPG’s one and only joiner, a guy so experienced at roleplaying that he’s actually able to support the story for the most part, despite his partner. He is the “Support” because without his constant support, the RPG dies. The Mary-Sue is the “Chosen One” because you know how Mary-Sues are egotists.
Anyway, many thanks for viewing, and I hope you guys got plenty of laughs from the story!
-Kenta147
P.S.: Hi, Tyren! I put it up, like you asked me to. Hope you got some laughs from a fresh read of the story.
