Any Last Words? (Critique wanted)

The house stood majestically and proudly in the cool night air, its large windows forming a mirror image of the moon and the surroundings upon its surface. The building was extremely large and grand, covering up a large amount of space and reaching up towards the clear sky. It was situated in the countryside nearby a large forest full of thick bushy trees and it was surrounded in farmland that was part of its estate; the grounds directly surrounding the house were well cared for and had blossomed into a beautiful garden. Though at first glance it seemed like a serene and glorious place to live closer observation betrayed nasty secrets about the building. Surrounding the perimeter of the house was a large cinderblock wall with guard towers at every corner and barbed wire at the top of the walls; the only way to enter the premises was through a large cast iron gate that was defended by armed guards. Also there were guards patrolling the grounds with weapons in their hands ready for the slightest disturbance. However everything was silent and peaceful and other than the moving guards everything was still.

The man was of average height with a lean but muscled physique. He was crouching in the shadows of the trees, clad completely in tight leather clothing that completely hid him from the sight of the sentries in the guard tower. On his face he wore large, bulky night vision goggles that he was using to survey the scene in front of him. His body sat there as stiff as a statue until, as if he had heard an imaginary gunshot signifying the beginning of a race, he shot off towards the wall. As he was sprinting he used a small harpoon gun to fire large bolts into the wall reaching upwards and then upon reaching his destination he swiftly began to climb up his makeshift ladder with the dexterity of a monkey. The man’s movement were precise and professional, showing an uncanny discipline in the face of such a problem as entering this fortress.

On the thick wall he stopped and began to appraise the situation in front of him; this time he flicked a switch on his goggles that allowed him to see in the infra red spectrum and thus find out exactly how many people were inside the building as well as their exact locations. He was slightly startled to notice how many heat signatures were within the house. It seemed the place was more heavily guarded then he had anticipated, nevertheless despite this dilemma he was sure his plan would be a success and so he proceeded to delicately crawl around the wall, ducking down low whenever a guard was nearby, until he was near the main gate, at which point he manoeuvred himself around the gate until he was directly behind the camera that recorded everyone who came into the building. Then, removing a miniscule screwdriver from within his gloves, he prised open the camera to reveal the circuitry inside it. Extracting a small device from a utility belt that hung around his waist he delicately attached it magnetically to the side of the camera and then proceeded to connect its wires with the camera’s circuitry. Once he’d accomplished this he pressed a button on the side of the device that caused it to record ten seconds of video and then repeat it, basically making him able to pass in front of the camera without anyone noticing his actions. After waiting for his device to take affect he removed something else from his belt. However this time it was a weapon.

He had pulled out a contraption that looked very similar to a gun; however it was much thinner and possessed an unusually long barrel. The weapon was an experimental prototype that the military was working on and it hadn’t even gotten to testing yet. But the man had contacts, who knew some people, who pulled a few strings and voila, it was in his hands. The device worked by supercharging alpha particles and then shooting them out at trans-light speeds, this allowed the particles to phase throw most matter. However they caused an electro-dynamic shift inside anything they passed through, a shift that caused enough electricity to disrupt and shut down the brains activity. In layman’s terms it was a gun that could shoot invisible bullets that could kill someone without causing any other destruction which could potentially bring attention to the shooter.

With his miracle weapon in hand he swiftly targeted and killed the two guards who were sitting inside a small gatehouse whose job it was to check everyone who entered through the gate. Then he also disposed of another two guards who were standing in front of the main door. Without hesitating or giving a chance for any nearby guards to walk by and see what he’d done. he hurriedly attached a hook within the wall and abseiled down the high wall to safely reach the ground.

The moment his feet touched the ground he was off covering the distance to the door in less than twenty seconds. The only security the door had was a simple lock. Noticing this fact the mercenary chuckled silently to himself mentally mocking the owner’s naivety at expecting such an insignificant thing to be a problem. However, he quickly chastised himself for underestimating whoever designed the house; it was wholly possible that the lock was designed to make him underestimate the house’s defences and therefore be more careless. Utilising a pair of lock picks he made short work of the door and was standing inside the building with his hands clutched around his weapon, ready to kill anyone who came around a corner.

After scanning the nearby rooms using his goggles and becoming sure that there wasn’t anybody coming his way he closed his eyes to help visualise the map of the building that he had memorised earlier in the day. The house was like a maze and any wrong turn he took would delay him and might cause a problem to his plan. Having reminded himself of the exact path he needed to take to find his target he began to walk onwards, however this time he moved much more slowly and cautiously aware that at any moment a guard could appear.

As he navigated his way through the labyrinth of corridors, quickly stepping into rooms to hide from oncoming guards at times, he slowly got nearer and nearer to his main target: the reclusive billionaire oil tycoon Rufus Boondoggle. Rufus had inherited his company from his father. However, in his later years before his death his father hadn’t been very careful with money, and so the business was largely in ruins with high debts and bankruptcy looking more imminent by the day. Despite this, Rufus had taken the sinking ship and had turned it into a larger and more profitable business than it had ever been, while at the same time buying out most of the other co-owners so that almost a hundred percent of the profits were his. Suddenly finding himself lavished in luxuries, and discovering a taste for the finer, more expensive things in life, he began to takeover other businesses and soon he was a finance legend. His speciality was taking firms that were well known but had been having problems and turning them right around till they were the peak in their market. However, while he was regarded as an idol to many, very few people knew how he was able to make such things happen. The truth was that Mr. Boondoggle was very much involved with the Mafia. Since the moment he had his fathers business and had needed quick cash to fix his problems, money that the Mafia was willing to give him with a nice large interest return. Accepting the deal and using the money to fix his business, he was able to pay the Mafia back easily with millions left to spare. Of course he didn’t stop working with them then, why would he after his first foray into illegality had gone so well, he naturally continued to make deals with them and soon he was a high ranking part of the criminal organisation himself. Thorough investigation on quite a few of the businesses he had “saved” would show that the reason they were doing so badly was because of mysterious accidents and random acts of vandalism, not to mention the many secret death threats the directors of those companies had received.

Of course one never got to high places without making a few enemies, especially when the method of getting there involved so much violence in the first place, and so finally one of these enemies decided that Rufus had lived for long enough. Calls were made, funds were transferred and now the assassin was standing in his “impenetrable” house; sneaking around his home, making his slow and steady way to him in order to strike the deadly blow. Finally reaching his destination the assassin opened the door to the man’s bedroom and surveyed the scene in front of him.

The bedroom was extravagantly large, taking up the space of a small apartment, and it was just as posh and expensively decorated as it was large. There was a large four poster bed in the centre of the room; the curtains surrounding it were a plush, deep red colour and they resembled expensive satin. The floor of the entire room was a thick, gleaming mahogany, although it was virtually invisible as most of the floor had been covered by several spongy, soft Persian carpets that boasted bright colours and intricate as well as artistic designs. The walls held many prised paintings of varying tastes from artists such as Picasso and Van Gough and even a few Matisse’s. However, despite all these luxuries, the pride of the room was a humongous 275” LCD television which had a pair of speakers next to it each the size of a large door. As far as home entertainment systems went this was quite impressive but the assassin’s only thought, having become almost oblivious to the eccentricities of the rich over his years of entering their homes, was “I wonder if he gets Sky out here…”

The final part of the room was a large wall sized window that had a beautiful view of the outside gardens, as well as the surrounding countryside. Right in front of the window, angled so it gave a perfect viewing opportunity, was a comfortable looking armchair that was just as magnificent and beautifully crafted as everything else in the room. Sitting on the chair was a bespectacled old man wearing a thick brown robe. What was left of the balding old man’s hair was as white as snow and was combed across the rest of his head in order to decrease how bald he seemed, though not to much avail. The old man was looking out towards the distance and in his hand he held a half full bottle of brandy.

As the assassin regarded the man he drew a long, sharp blade from within his clothes. The assassin was very famous within the circles that he worked and he was most infamously known for three things; his 100% success rate, the fact that no-one knew who he really was and, most importantly and weirdly, he revealed his presence before all his victims moments before killing them and asked them for their final words, which he publicised after the assignment. The assassin silently stalked up to the man and swiftly put the knife on his target’s neck, right on an important artery, ready to slit his throat before uttering his famous phrase.
“Any last words?”

Suddenly the TV behind him turned on showing a young, handsome man with a cocky grin on his face winking at the assassin as the sound system boomed the words “Surprise!!”

Shocked the assassin hastily made a quick motion with his hand severing his target’s head from the body only to find a blank white head fall to the floor, a wig falling off it as it descended. Glancing at the head incredulously with wide open eyes he frantically thought “What, a dummy, what’s goin-“ before a massive explosion blew up the entire room, annihilating the assassin completely and reducing him to something less than dust. Once the noise had died down and the embers had settled a short laugh track began to play ending with a voice saying “Gotcha.”


Epilogue
Rufus was sat on a large yacht that was sailing through exotic Caribbean seas. He was sharing a bottle of wine with a young man with a cocky grin who sat across from him and as they talked Rufus suddenly broke out in a hearty chuckle as his companion relayed the story. Once he had regained his breath he pronounced with a strong British accent, “I still can’t believe you managed to dispose of him. It gave me a right old shock when I realised someone had set him on me, all I could think about was what I should have my last words be.”

Chuckling the man simply shook his head and modestly claimed “It was easy really. Not many people, especially when they get as skilled and used to victory as he has, expect to be assassinated when they themselves are on a mission. And I had already figured out that the only way he’d be in the open was if he was killing someone, so I let a few words slip about your “location” and he ate them right up.”

A grin was plastered on Rufus’ face as he said “Well I thank you either way, though I think the money I paid you is thanks enough! More wine?”

“Yes please” The man heartily replied offering his glass to Rufus before sitting back and enjoying the trip, warm in the knowledge that he would never have to work for money again. Although, maybe he’d do one more assignment, who knows, it might be fun…




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This was written for English coursework and I liked it so I decided to post it here. Please tell me what you think of it and don't be afraid to point out any of the bad things it certainly will have.

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