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The Official Movie Review Thread (WARNING!! SPOILERS!!!)

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DarkToph
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« on: October 15, 2008, 07:17:45 pm »

WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL MOVIE REVIEW THREAD OF AISENFIELD, BOTH REVIEWERS/CRITICS AND READERS!!

Okay. Otaku Haven has an anime review thread stickied, so I thought we were overdue for a neat movie review thread.

Some notes before we get started.

~ You are still allowed to make individual threads about individual movies.

~ PLEASE NOTE AT THE TOP OF YOUR REVIEW WHETHER IT'S IN-DEPTH OR A "SHORTY", PUTTING IN DEPTH AT THE TOP IN RED OR SHORTY AT THE TOP IN BLUE TO MAKE IT NOTICABLE. THIS IS TO PREVENT PEOPLE FROM READING MAJOR SPOILERS!!

  • An In-Depth review is basically for anyone who is or is making an attempt at being some form of intricate movie critic. You basically re-tell the whole story(Hence why this guideline is strongly suggested) and make notes about the specific points of the movie. At the end you give your thoughts of the story, the acting, the effects if any, the soundtrack if any or if needed, and the all important ending scene. Now you're not required to spoil the ending to make an in-depth review, but the way I see it, if you're spoiling the whole story, spoiling the ending won't hurt much. Then afterwards you give your over-all rating for the flick. It can be whatever rating system you have, stars, ??/10 ??/5 etc. whatever.
  • A "Shorty" is usually mostly if not completely spoiler-free. Basically it's one or two paragraphs about the over-all rating of the movie. How you liked the acting, the story etc...Then you give your rating system score at the end (Or at the top, whichever you prefer)



~Please try hard to not boil the movie down to "This sucks" etc. In other words, don't flame it. Be civil about your review, not matter how awful the movie was.

~Please make the review, whether In-depth or Shorty, as well-worded and gramatically correct as you are able. Go easy on the viewer's eyes.

~Please don't get all defensive about reviews. If a movie you liked got a bad review from someone, don't go on all-out attack mode. It's an opinion. That's all. Someone's opinion. You can't expect everyone to like what you like....

~BTW I GOT THE OKAY FROM DB ABOUT THE DOUBLE POSTING IN THE ANIME REVIEW THREAD SO I BELIEVE DOUBLE POSTING SHOULD BE ALLOWED HERE AS WELL, AS LONG AS IT'S TO REVIEW ANOTHER MOVIE!!


WELL?! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!??! REVIEW ALREADY!!!
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« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2008, 09:45:36 pm »

IN-DEPTH

I figured I'd get this party started by reviewing a movie I had the "pleasure" of seeing today; Quarantine.
A horror/suspense movie that recently came out.

The first few minutes of the movie are MIND-NUMBING. It starts out with this reporter girl, Angela, who is apparently played by some chick from "Dexter", Jennifer Carpenter.(I don't watch Dexter so I dunno.) and her cameraman Scott (Yes, you guessed it. This is one of those movies that goes through the whole thing on one shakey camera run by one of the characters, but I'll address this later.) doing a report of the local fire department. For the first five minutes or so all of it is just them talking to the firemen, goofing around with the firemen, taking a tour of the fire station, it was just boring. The "calm before the storm" scene in horror movies is needed, but can't they at least make it entertaining?

Anyway, a call comes to the station and the reporter and her cameraman follow, which leads them to a run-down appartment building where someone reported screams coming from an old woman's apartment, she's evidentally a shut-in. The firemen meet up with the cops who are already there and knock on her door. With no answer, they ask the landlord to open it with his Master key. They open it to reveal the old lady, seemingly sick and covered in blood. She's not saying a word and is sort of growling and breathing oddly and she looks all pale and crap. They try to calm her down, get her to talk to them, when all of a sudden she snaps and attacks one of the cops, biting him in the neck. The old lady is subdued and they take the cop downstairs to get him an ambulance, when they run into a problem. The GLASS doors are locked from the outside. They're yelling to get the cops who are outside to open the door. They say they are trying their hardest to get them out and they believe them. That's something I don't get right there. They're GLASS doors(Mostly glass) and the cops were obviously the ones who shut and locked the door, so what's up with stating that and what's up with them believing it? The partner of the cop seemed pretty pissed, but even he wasn't mad enough to just break the damn window and get some help.

Soon afterwards, while a vet is tending to the cop's wounds, the fireman who was keeping the woman upstairs subdued, falls from the second floor(Though was pushed probably by the lady), and he's found to also have been bitten, but still has a pulse. He also has a very broekn leg which will soon lead to the only cringe-worthy scene in the movie.

The other cop and Jake, the hot guy, go upstairs to try and contain the woman from any further acts of violence. They go up to her appartment to find the cleaning lady dead on the floor(Apparently, the cleaning lady was the one screaming, but why her body got moved, in other words, how the frigetty hell she just appeared there is beyond me), bitten, and the woman soon bolts out from nowhere and attacks only to be SHOT, hear my words, SHOT three times, I believe, and is basically dead.

They go back downstairs to find that the latest news on their predicament has been upgraded from "Glass door locked" to "Sealed inside, No Cell Phone, No Internet, No Cable ALL TRANSMISSIONS FROM THE APPARTMENT BUILDING CUT OFF" Which is yet another thing I don't understand, what's the point in that? You can't E-Mail someone a disease....You can send them a virus!! *Rimshot*.......*crickets chirping*.....No?......Aww...
Besides, wouldn't you want communication with these people to know more about the contamination, virus, what happened etc.?
They also state that anyone who attempts to leave the building will do so at risk of a sniper's bullet in their head.
They later find out from Jake, hunk-boy, that they are under quarantine for possible nuclear, chemical or biological emergency.

They round up the other tenants in the building, which is stupid when you think about. Deadly contagious virus! Let's all group up together!! Which include, a couple who don't speak english, a drunk guy, a woman who is seemingly displaying the same symptoms as the old lady, a woman and her sick 5 year old daughter, who's father is out of the building treating their sick dog, some professor or something and his female student who are roommates, and uhh...Oops I ran out of people. o.o;;

The vet later points out that that the displayed symptoms, foaming at the mouth, etc. are clear signs of rabies only much more fast acting. Acting in minutes rather than the months it would normally take to take effect.

Later, Angela, the reporter and her cameraman Scott follow the student and the teacher, saying they can use their TV because they have an antenna on theirs, no cable.
So, let's all be clear. No internet, no cable, no walkie-talkies, no cell-phones, but your old-ass TV works because it has an antenna? Yeah, that makes a butt-load of sense. All they get from the TV report is that the building is being quarantined (No ****. O=) and the building...has been evacuated...Which it hasn't.....
Then the power goes out,(Standard horror movie procedure.) and then the group is attacked by the other woman who was seemingly infected, but is then killed.

Later, down in the lobby, the fireman attacks, walking out and giving our only true cringe-worthy scene, and practically breaks his leg OFF trying to get at these guys. The cop then sticks a syringe in him (Where did that come from?!) which is a sedative and knocks him out, bringing him back to the room he was in before.
The cop then SOMEHOW magically receives word (There's supposed to be no technical communication whatsoever, even walkies. Though they could've just talked to him, I dunno.) that the CDC is going to come in and give everyone blood tests for rabies. The vet then states that you can't test blood for rabies, it has to be a brain sample, but the cop ignores this.

Now a couple notes halfway in; During roll call it's noted that some guy from Boston rents the penthouse in the building, but hasn't been seen in a couple months. Also, it should be noted as a bit of irony that the cop "Danny" has been constantly pushing their camera out of his face, yelling that he wants it off, to get out of his face, etc. The reporter always replies that the people HAVE to see this, they HAVE to know what's going on and the cops leaves them be,(Personally, seeing as how she keeps saying "Did you get that?" to every single death or attack, I think all she cares about in the first half is just ratings....) Danny later defends them when the cameraman gets pushed by another guy and slams him against the wall saying they have every right to film this...Dunno what brought about the change of heart, you'd figure the worse it gets the less he'd want that camera around, but there he goes defending them....

Onto the story, the CDC arrive, sniper rifles in hand, and gas masks and works all on to take Fletcher (The infected fireman with the broken leg)'s brain sample. Fletcher then wakes up, breaks his restraints and attacks one of the two CDC agents, as the other agent, Danny and Jake flee, leaving Lawrence, the vet, in the room, not wanting to risk contamination.

Danny and Jake then force the agent to tell them exactly what's going on. The agent then explains that they got a call from a vet's office or something. A dog, Brianna(That little girl I note earlier. The SICK one. Has been sick for WEEKS)'s dog Max, was brought in with an unknown illness, somehow magically got every single other animal in the office sick as well and the dog's collar led them back to the appartment building.

Then, and here's where cinematic timing REALLY gets good people, the group starts suspecting that the sick child is infected and has been the whole time. The mother holds her in her arms and denies it all, saying she's just sick with bronchitis, right before, you guess it folks, the girl snaps and bites her mother on the neck and runs upstairs.
Now, two things wrong with this. If the girl had been infected the whole time, and was the first out of everyone there to have had contact with the virus, how is it that she took so long to succumb to it?
Not only that but being a small child, the virus would've spread throughout her system tons faster than a fully grown adult. Not to mention she wasn't acting all foam-mouthed sick before she flipped out, she was normal and hugging her mother mere seconds before the vamping out.
Second thing wrong with this, the little girl was in front of a groupful of people, bloodlust ready, yet decided to run upstairs to get her bites in. ?_?

Anyhoo, the mother flips, telling her daughter to run away while she, now infected, is getting handcuffed to the stairs by the cop.

They run upstairs to find the little girl, eyes red and covered in blood, as she attacks the cop, bites him and, hey, remember that dead old lady I told you about? Yeah, she came back to life and attacked only to be killed again. Can't have a horror movie without mysterious ressurections....

Then most of the group end up getting bitten downstairs in one way or another and the mother ends up getting attacked....again, seemingly getting killed by another infectee as she cannot escape, what with handcuffs on and all. The survivors, the student and teacher, Jake, Angela, the landlord and his wife along with Scott the cameraman hole themselves up in one of the rooms to avoid the infected ones downstairs.

They soon discover the now-bitten, other CDC agent keeping himself locked away from the others to keep from infecting them locked behind.....*sigh* GLASS doors....
The student is later discovered to have been infected, biting her own fingers off it seems, and her teacher rips the window seal off a window and yells for help only to be shot with a sniper rifle.
The landlord later reveals that there is another way out. A sewer passageway in the basement, but the keys are kept in his apartment. He's standing in front of the glass doors and, everyone together now! The agent who locked himself behind said GLASS doors, breaks through them and bites the landlord while the student attacks the landlord's wife and Jake, Angela and Scott the cameraman escape downstairs, met with the somehow magically attacked twice STILL ALIVE mother of Briana who is now, as expected, infected. They make it passed her because she's still handcuffed.

They get to the landlord's apartment to be met with another infectee, when, here comes the tears, Jake the hot as a fire-man, gets infected. D'=
Angela and cameraman run off into the abandoned penthouse apartment. Now, here's where you'd get really confused if you're not paying attention. Actually you'd get confused even if you were paying attention.
The damn shakey camera looks at all the labrats in cages and newspaper clippings of an "Armageddon Virus". According to Wikipedia the guy from Boston was a member of some cult, but the movie honestly gives no clear indication of that, just that he was obsessed with this virus. They then hear a noise in the attic and the door drops down. (How convienient?) Scott goes and takes a peak to investigate (Dumb man) and his camera light gets punched out by someTHING. Angela, who has been going psychotic for the past 15 minutes now, freaks even more so Scott turns the nightvision on to see her and they try to stick together.

They soon find some weird man in a diaper, who, under nightvision, looks like some monster movie character, but, though it's never stated, even in descriptions, it can be assumed this is either that guy from Boston making himself the first human test subject for the virus or some guy the guy from Boston got AS his first human test subject. Which makes little to no sense, why test on yourself? and if it was another guy why keep him in a CLEARLY poorly locked attic when he's all super contagious? The cameraman tells Angela to be quiet because it can't see them so if they can make it so it can't hear them either they can make it past it....The cameraman later repeats himself to the now silent Angela for no reason. She's being quiet. Why don't you shut the hell up?!

Well, NOW FOR THE ENDING Angela makes a noise, Scott gets attacked and drops the camera, Angela picks it up to find it feeding on Scott and then it attacks her, who just gets knocked down and drops the camera. She slowly and quietly edges herself towards the camera and then................She gets dragged of screaming into the darkness..........and it ends.....

No clear explaintion of anything, no aftermath, not nothing, it just ends, leaving room for a bad sequel.


Acting jobs - I'd say half the people did decent jobs. The other half were just over-acting, I think.

Soundtrack - There is no soundtrack whatsoever for this film. It's all sound effects.

Plot - Not very original. Being trapped kinda adds an edge though.

Story - The begnning doesn't hold you in the least, it's boring if not lame in the first 5-7 minutes. There's a few shocker moments that would catch the non-seasoned horror movie-goer to get a little scare but anyone who's seasoned won't be all that impressed. You expect it in certain scenes, like when it's totally quiet or when they go to investigate a strange noise or something....
The infected seemingly act a little too much like zombies, their movements, their "speech", the sounds they make when they attack, the fact the feed off flesh, but then again, thanks to the plot holes we don't know exactly how gnarly this Armageddon Virus really is or how monsterous people become if left untreated, if there IS a treatment besides death.
There's actually a couple humorous scenes in all the insanity, like Scott beating one of the infected to death with his camera, lens facing the infected the whole time so it's like RAWR!! *BASH!* RAWR!! *BASH!!* RAWRRRR!! *BASH!!!* *is dead* It's humorous to any horror movie lover anyway....
The storyline's kinda unoriginal and, though they make an attempt at separating it from most "infected" movies by bringing in that Armageddon Virus thing, they don't explain fully what it is, who was making it and why, so what's the point? Even if that cult thing did have some credibility, does that mean this virus was in some way supernatural? Because they don't press on that either. And, though speculation can assume that it was the very first human test subject, who WAS that monster person in the attic if not the Boston guy. And if it's not the Boston guy where is he?

The ending leaves much to be desired and if you're paying attention, the promo for the movie just ruins the ending. There's tons of plot holes and unanswered questions and it ends so suddenly you're actually left saying "Wha-- That's it?" They don't even have like an "Aftermath" scene. If there even can be one. I'd just bomb the place, if possible or send in a bunch of soldiers with tons of ammo in there. I mean there was still infected alive in there and that original infected thing was still alive too. And what exactly happened to the father that brought in the first infected dog? They traced the collar of the dog, did it bite him? Was there another quarantine some place? *sigh* I wasn't even that interested in the story and the plot holes are driving me insane.....
Not to mention there's that little thing about the dead guys spontaneously coming back to life for no good reason....

Over-all - Looking it up I see Quarantine actually got moderate ratings. Not great, but not awful either. I'd agree with that I guess. If you're looking for a quick scare and a little suspense, check it out. If you're looking for a movie with an original plot, a coherent story, hate plot holes, hate "shakey camera" syndrome, or need a movie with more substance than quick scares, look elsewhere.

My Rating - I give Quaratine an ermmm..................6/10. Being fairly generous there, BTW.

Preferred Audience This movie is rated R.
There's sparce swears but they are there. No nudity, no sex, though there is innuendo in the first 5 minutes. The violence is fairly graphic but thanks to "shakey camera" syndrome you never see that much. People get bitten A LOT. Someone falls from the second story(It's actually pretty funny timing. "We're trapped in here?!?! D=" *THUD!*) An infected falls from like the third story with an entertaining "PING!!" off the railing of the stairs and a nice thud...
Also, though it's not shown, the drunk guy gets viciously attacked then ripped apart by an infected dog. It all sounds though, it takes place in a closed elevator.
There's that bone crushing cringe scene I warned ya about, lots of "scary images" and the infected all eventually look like some form of zombie or monster, gaining red eyes and sharper teeth and an appetite for flesh.
I'd take the R rating into account but I don't see why any tough cookie 13 year old would be fazed by this....

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« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2008, 01:40:20 pm »

IN-DEPTH


Well, well, well. Let's continue with horror movie reviews in light of Halloween huh?
Oh and by "horror movie" I mean "HorrIBLE movie"
I'm sort of breaking my own guideline with this movie, by criticizing it so harshly, and I'll probably end up breaking it again when I review "The Happening", but some movies just deserve it, they just do.

The movie in question is "Halloween (2007)" This major suck-fest is a, and I'm taking the time out to respect the Rob Zombie fans here, NOT a remake of the original 1978 slasher movie, like so many people believe. It is a prequel. What happened to Michael Myers before he became the white mask donning horror.
Now, for certain parts of this review you'll find I'm playing off Wikipedia's telling of the story. I REALLY don't wanna watch this horrid movie again, so please bear with me, it's only used for more detailed references of the majorly boring parts.

The movie starts out with ten-year old Michael in his "normal" life as a child. His sister Judith, who is now a foul-mouthed ****, his demeaning foul-mouthed father-like figure and his actually semi-normal mother.

Skipping though a bit, Michael shows in the first few minutes of the movie that he is already having major psychological problems. Donning a clown mask almost constantly, usually wearing it when he feels most psychotic, he kills his **** sister and her boyfriend, beats his bully to death with a tree branch, and kills his mother's boyfriend.
I don't quite remember it exactly, but I believe after the killing spree, he's found holding his little sister Laurie on the steps. This movie was burning my retinas enough, holding my attention would've been a miracle.

Michael is arrested and after a long trial he is convicted of first-degree murder and is sent to Smith's Grove Sanitarium where he is assigned constant therapy under the guide of Dr. Sam Loomis (Whaa hoo!...That's the only time you'll hear me cheer in this movie. I like the good doctor.)
Michael is seemingly cooperative during the first few months. Saying he had no recollection of the murders.
His mother visits him everyday or every other day and blah....

After about a year, it's shown that Michael has taken on a fixation with creating papier-mâché masks and has emotionally shut himself off from anyone, as well as the good doctor and his own mother.
During one of his mother's visits he viciously murders a nurse in the sanitarium and afterwards his mother, who has had enough emotional trauma from Michael's actions, kills herself.

Blah blah, like fifteen years later, Michael, who know looks like a mix between a pro wrestler and a serial killer, has continued making masks and continued therapy under Loomis's guide, though to no avail, as Michael refuses to talk to anyone. Loomis essentially gives up on Michael before Michael is sent to a maximum security wacky-shack.

At said wacky-shack, we're blessed with the most stupid, offensive, graphic scene in the whole damn movie.
Two night guards decide to have some fun with the new meat and take a newly admitted crazy woman, and bring her to Michael's cell, where they put her on his bed and **** her up the ass, very graphically, verging on pornographic, in front of Michael, who's just staring while the night guards have their fun.
Michael murders the guards,(I guess he must've murdered the woman too, she's never seen afterwards) and escapes, killing a truck driver and donning his clothes to escape to Haddonfield.

On Halloween, Michael reaches his old house and looks under the floorboards to find a knife he had hidden the night of his killing spree.

I actually didn't fully remember what happens next, and I don't have enough money for the therapy I'll require to see it again, so I'll have to rely on Wiki for a couple paragraphs here. Bear with me.
I guess the story goes back to Laurie Strode(No, no Jamie Lee Curtis.) Who I suppose is like 16 or 17 now, and she spots Michael watching her from a distance, but pays it no serious mind.

Laurie babysits Tommy, and her friend Lynda meets up with her boyfriend Bob at the Myers old family home only to be murdered by Michael and afterwards he heads to Laurie's house to kill her new parents.(Which he does)

Loomis returns to Haddonfield after being notified of Michael's escape and teams up with the local Sheriff and they head to Laurie's house.

I believe I remember the rest enough to play off of memory now, so bye-bye wiki.
Her other friend Annie asks Laurie to baby-sit a girl she's supposed to be watching, but just long enough to hand us another totally unnecessary graphic sex scene. Now with new full-frontal nudity!
Blah blah, the guy she's having sex with gets killed by Michael and Annie gets attacked, but is later found by Laurie, alive, Michael attacks Laurie, who runs off and Loomis and the Sheriff hear her 911 call and head off for her.

I guess I spoke too soon, because I don't remember what happens after that. Wiki!
Michael kidnaps Laurie and tries to make her see that she's his sister...........Wait, what?! I know that Michael saw baby Laurie as his only known source of innocence as a child, but come on!! No wonder the boring parts are unmemorable.
Laurie stabs Michael after getting his knife from him and runs, Michael chases after her only to be shot repeatedly by Loomis.
Laurie and Loomis get in the car to leave when the only semi-shock scene happens, but is partially expected. Michael breaks through the window of the car and kidnaps Laurie again.
Loomis tries to get her back, but Michael attacks. Laurie grabs Loomis's gun and runs, soon followed by Michael who knocks them both off the balcony of the building. Laurie gets up and shoots Michael in the face with Loomis's gun repeatedly and as Laurie's walking away, Michael grabs her wrist and I hope the website is just messing with me. That can not be the ending. The whole "killing the villain and then having him suddenly come back to life and grabs you" end scene is SO over-used and predictable. Even if there IS more, this movie can in no way be salvaged anyway, so why bother?

Acting Jobs - Nothing great or notable. The only reason their characters are memorable is because they're all from the original Halloween series....

Soundtrack - There's a few of the old nostalgic songs from the original, but the rest is heavy metal music. Not a fan.

Plot - The idea of going back and seeing what made Michael, Michael is actually brilliant. The IDEA is. The IDEA of the plot is good.

Story - If it's so distracting and unmemorable that I can't even recall most of details, it's messed up.
It's also fairly predictable. Anybody who's seen more than 3 horror movies can guess what happens next during the whole movie.....

Over-all - This movie is my least favorite movie in the history of ever and as an avid Halloween fan I am totally offended.
I was shocked to find that this movie actually got fair ratings and fair responses. This movie in no way deserves any praise. And to read some of the comments that have been said about this movie in such a positive way, makes me wonder just how stupid people really are.
This movie is the biggest disgrace to the Halloween franchise that I've ever seen. Rob Zombie should be ashamed. Even if the original movies never existed this movie would still be 12 shades of awful.
I truly believe this was more of an excuse for Rob Zombie to cash in on the Halloween franchise, all the while making a "torture porno" than trying to respect any aspect of the series.
Something I find rather funny is that this movie is littered with graphic depictions of sex and ****, there's fully frontal 100% nudity, and people dropping the F-bomb every which way they can fit it in and the killing scenes ARE PART-WAY TAME!! I swear! When Michael was beating his bully to death the camera was constantly cutting away to show scenes of the forest and crap, I believe the original movies had more gore than this piece of crap. And more importantly there was one scene with shock value and that was it. And that one scene was fairly predictable. How can you call this a horror movie if it has no shock value? No scares? No HORROR?!

My Rating - Can I delve into negatives? No? 0/10

Preferred Audience - This movie was rated R, and the tags for the rating make me assume that the rating is VERY strongly suggested.
There's sex EVERYWHERE!!(Honestly if I wanna watch ****, I'll go on the internet. I watch horror movies for horror and interest.) A VERY graphic **** scene. Full frontal nudity (Though, DUR, it's only females, because for some reason guys can't show some skin in any damn movie...) People say the F-word EVERY. FIVE. SECONDS. You'd think I'm exaggerating, I am not. Especially during the first half it's in every sentence. and the rest of it it's just strewn about everywhere. Swearing is not a necessity in any movie, yet they feel the need to throw it around everywhere. I don't mind it when some characters in the movie get really scared and drop a few F-bombs. They're scared. DUH! They're gonna freak and swear. But to make it like every other word you say? That's not needed.
That's actually the only thing I can commend The Happening for. That's the first R rated horror movie I know of that has little swearing in it. In fact I don't think anyone says anything worse than "damn". So congrats The Happening, you actually get praised by me for something.

I'd say be 18 before seeing this movie, but then again, I don't recommend seeing this movie at all, so......
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« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2008, 02:38:49 am »

IN-DEPTH
I'd say be 18 before seeing this movie, but then again, I don't recommend seeing this movie at all, so......
I hope I'm not infringing on any rules, but I'd suggest being 18 before seeing any of the Halloween movies. They are horribly graphic and disturbing and after watching the first few (not the Halloween 2007) in the 5th grade, I was scarred and actually required mental therapy from a certified psychologist, because I kept freaking out whenever I was outside and couldn't see where everything was at night. In high school, I was much harder to scare and some of the movies I saw in high school were agreed upon to be much less disturbing than the Halloween movies. I suggest not watching them until you're 18 at least and if you're hard to scare, not at all. The pasty white emotionless face of Michael Myers may be one of, if not the most, fear striking things you will ever see.

(Sorry, DT, but I had to say this for the younger members' sake.)
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« Reply #4 on: October 17, 2008, 08:16:43 am »

IN-DEPTH
I'd say be 18 before seeing this movie, but then again, I don't recommend seeing this movie at all, so......
I hope I'm not infringing on any rules, but I'd suggest being 18 before seeing any of the Halloween movies. They are horribly graphic and disturbing and after watching the first few (not the Halloween 2007) in the 5th grade, I was scarred and actually required mental therapy from a certified psychologist, because I kept freaking out whenever I was outside and couldn't see where everything was at night. In high school, I was much harder to scare and some of the movies I saw in high school were agreed upon to be much less disturbing than the Halloween movies. I suggest not watching them until you're 18 at least and if you're hard to scare, not at all. The pasty white emotionless face of Michael Myers may be one of, if not the most, fear striking things you will ever see.

(Sorry, DT, but I had to say this for the younger members' sake.)
One's tolerance must come into play when seeing horror and gorefests. Some people at a younger age can handle the Halloween movies and not do much more than get a tad surprised. Others are scared half to death and, like you, require therapy. So, if I might make a slight change to the age...

I'd say be in your teen years before seeing this movie, but be sure you can handle it.
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« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2008, 06:59:38 pm »

The old Halloween movies used to freak me out quite a bit and I've been watching them with my parents since I was like 8(Though when I was a wee lass I used to either try not to pay attention or just look away during heavy-tension parts. Sometimes my mom would actually cover my eyes for me.), and I'll be the first to admit that it's not the killing in the movie that freaks you out it's that damn white mask he wears. I was fairly easy to scare as a child and though I was on edge most of the month of October, especially at night, for the majority of my childhood, the more horror movies I watched, surprisingly enough, the LESS I would scare, until I actually became of fan of horror movies around the age of 15 or 16.

Though I am now a fan of the genre, I'm not ashamed to admit that if I ever saw that white mask in real life, I'd be on edge of a heart attack. That's why I truly believe in terms of horror Michael outranks Jason, Freddy and the rest. (Though they all rock.)

It's really a judgement call for those things. I don't really think there's a set age for that stuff. Like Roller Coasters. A ten-year old may be super excited getting on the ride and may laugh the whole way through while a thiry-year old is shaking in line and spends the entire length of the ride screaming his or her head off and gets off it shaking like a leaf while the ten-year old screams "LET'S GO AGAIN!! LET'S GO AGAIN!!"

If you know the basics or "rules" of horror movies, like stated in my review of Quaratine, the scares are actually predictable, which lessen the blow. If you can catch someone off-guard, THAT'S when a horror movie deserves serious praise.

Michael's mask in itself should having a rating on it, but after seeing him CRY in Halloween 5, you lose a little respect. Though I'm willing to over-look that scene (4, 5 and H20 are my faves)

I haven't had the time to review all of the Halloween movies, but age restrictions for horror movies based simply off the the masks or the scares is, like I said, really a judgement call. I wouldn't recommend ANY of the Halloween movies for a person of any age that's jumpy or easy to scare.

The rating for Halloween 2007 was mostly if not entirely based off the sex scenes and swearing as there is not honest scares in that movie, at least in my eyes, and the gore is not as bad as seen in former Halloween movies. The only thing that's scary about that movie is that it's actually received an award for horror. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!


I realize now I've rambled quite a bit. I'll get around to reviewing ALL of the Halloween series, but to clarify, Halloweens I-Resurrection, like DB said, you should be at least in your teens to watch them, but I think 18's a little exteme.

(EDIT-Oh and that's Ok, PB. I get where you're coming from. =]  )
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« Reply #6 on: October 26, 2008, 12:10:51 am »

That Halloween doesn't sound that bad to me, but I obviously have a high sex/language tolerance for a teenager. :\ I mean, from what DT says, it doesn't sound like a very good movie, but I wouldn't have feelings that strong about it.
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« Reply #7 on: October 26, 2008, 12:26:19 am »

That Halloween doesn't sound that bad to me, but I obviously have a high sex/language tolerance for a teenager. :\ I mean, from what DT says, it doesn't sound like a very good movie, but I wouldn't have feelings that strong about it.
I may be a smidge biased because I'm such a fan of the classic Halloweens(Though I do love H20 and that's not classic.)
But even if I wasn't a fan, that movie would still suck major to me. It's just an excuse to swear and show sex. There's little "horror" or violence in it. The old Halloween movies were far more scary and suspenseful than Halloween 2007. And that's the whole point of a horror movie, so why bother?

You think I was harsh on that? Wait 'til I review The Happening. Whoo dawgy!
And if I ever get to reviewing High School Musical...you might as well hide somewhere safe until it's over. =O

Like I said in the review, I realize I was being fairly harsh on that movie, but damn it all if it didn't deserve it....
If I'm going to review a movie I truly think is bad, I go as all out as I can without getting flamey. =P
It's just my opinion....
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« Reply #8 on: October 26, 2008, 12:51:53 am »

Heh, I can't wait until there are reviews for stuff that bad. (The Happening, HSM, etc.)
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« Reply #9 on: November 09, 2008, 07:31:51 pm »

Heh, I can't wait until there are reviews for stuff that bad. (The Happening, HSM, etc.)
Me either. XD

In-Depth



Well, as most everyone who knows me knows, I am a very avid SAW fan. Well, today, I saw SAW V, so I decided I'd start handing out the reviews I've got for the series.

Saw V is good, and I'll always be a true Saw fan, but damn it all if I just can't refuse to say the words "filler" or "watered down" to describe this movie.


This movie really got my hopes up with the trailer and online "promises". Teamwork would be needed again like in Saw I and II, that glass box on the head trap seemed intriguing, we'd get to find out the fate of the little girl, we'd get to see how Hoffman became Jigsaw's apprentice, we'd get to see what exactly was in the envelope Hoffman left for Amanda and it promised that "You won't believe how it ends"

Saw V delivers all these things, except that ending thing.

Let's go down the line.
Teamwork would be needed. True. This time it was a team of five people going through a line of tests, like Saw II. Except for the fact that only about 20-25 minutes of the movie focuses on the game. Kinda like the game was just giving the movie more length and nothing else. It should also be noted that as an avid Angel fan as well, I couldn't stop being annoyed by the fact that one of the women in the game was played by Julie Benz, the woman who plays Darla. I thought Saw avoided using well-known actors and actresses for their movies. (Though Tobin Bell IS fairly well known.)
It should also be noted that at the end trap, the two left alive figure out that all the traps were meant for five people. He wanted all of them to survive. The keys at the beginning were the same, meaning that if one person had reached one he/she could've passed it around to open all the locks instead of fending for themselves and letting someone die.
Hello? Their freaked for their lives. I doubt they would be paying more attention to the 60 second timer threatening to hack their noggins off instead of comparing key ridges to each other and seeing it one fits in all of the locks.
And one of the traps, the tape basically says that one of them had to be sacrificed because there was only enough safe spots for three people.

Onto the imfamous glass box trap, that was basically the only promo for Saw V we got for months. This "trap" wasn't so much a trap as it was an attempted murder, as there was no way of real escape.
You see, this glass box securely fit around Agent Strahm's head slowly started filling with water, and there was no set way to stop it. So he improvised and took a pen apart and jammed it into hsi throat to breathe. He later escapes along with an acting Hoffman, who's playing hero with the little kidnapped girl from Saw III in his arms.(Which answers another question. I knew Jigsaw wouldn't kill a child because her father lost the game. Still sad that both her parents had to die though...)

Next up is the reason why and when Hoffman became Jigsaw's apprentice.
Hoffman had been on Jigsaw's case since the beginning. His sister was killed by a man named Seth, who got off with only 5 years in prison off technicality. After working the Jigsaw case for a while, he got the idea to set up his own trap for Seth and frame Jigsaw for it.
He set up a pendulum trap with a giant blade hovering over his body and created a tape, which mirrored Jigsaw's voice exactly which, in itself, is VERY odd. He even had a Billy doll. o.o He was told that to stop the blade for lowering and slicing into his abdomen, he had to press two buttons which would trigger a mechanism to crush his hands to stop it.
He does so, but it doesn't stop, proving the trap to be inescapable. He gets sliced in half while looking at someone staring at him through a crack in the door who is later revealed to be Hoffman, who hasn't become Jiggy's apprentice yet, just wanted revenge.
Jigsaw kidnaps him and sets him up in a simple trap that is basically a "don't move or you'll blow your own head off" trap. Jigsaw explains to him that murder is wrong and never the answer and that he doesn't appreciate being credited for other people's work and shows him the news article on Hoffman's trap and calls it inferior work. Jigsaw continues to lecture him and pulls the trigger to teach him a lesson. It does nothing. Jigsaw then releases him and says that he can now arrest him, but he knows what Hoffman did and being brought in to the authorities could possibly destroy his career. He explains to Hoffman why his ways are wrong and that his ways give people a chance, while showing that the gun did indeed have one bullet in the other chamber and Hoffman concedes to his ways.

We get to see what exactly was in the envelope that Hoffman and Jigsaw left for Amanda. False.
It's never even mentioned or shown in this movie.

You won't believe how it ends. Half and half.
It WAS unexpected and pretty clever, but it in no way lives up to the hype the trailers promise.
Long story short, Strahm's been chasing Hoffman around all movie, due to the fact that he thought it was odd that Hoffman escaped that trap with mere scratches because "his arm straps broke" That and the fact that his partner, Agent Perez from IV who got wounded from the exploding Billy doll died from her wounds and her last words were "Detective Hoffman"
At the very end Strahm is strategically framed for everything Hoffman did, which is now left in another Agent, Ericson's, hands. He approaches a room with that giant glass box filled with broken glass trap we saw before and listens to a tape which basically tells him to get in the box and endure the pain or insantly die. Though no immediate danger is shown.
Hoffman enters the room and finds the tape, played and turns around to see Strahm standing there and they fight. Strahm throws Hoffman in the box and locks it, while joyously exclaiming that he finally got him.
Hoffman just smirks.
The box then lays back and lowers while the walls to the room enclose and the door locks behind them. Strahm tries everything to break the box. Even shooting it, but it refuses to break. Strahm gets crushed in the room, while Hoffman is safety lowered into the floor with a smirk on his face.

That's not that unbelievable.

Some cliffhangers; Jill Tuck, Jiggy's ex, recieved a box from Jiggy's will. A tape of Jigsaw stating that it's contents are of utmost importance. She opens it and instantly closes it. The contents of the box are never revealed.


There's some major problems that I have to address. This movie was really just filler. An explaination of things in the movie that would probably take too long to explain in Saw VI, with a side game thrown in to fill in time.
Hoffman just doesn't have what it takes to be "the next Jigsaw" I mean, not only is he fairly sloppy, but his audibly adjusted voice on that tape just does not feel right. I'm starting to believe that killing Jigsaw off was a mistake. He was the lifeforce of Saw. The soul behind Billy. The heart of the whole operation. He and Amanda were like the ultimate Saw team. Amanda would've been better to take over, even if she did have some issues. Speaking of Amanda, and I realize she's dead, but she gets little to no mention and only one scene in which she's shown alive and even then it's stock footage.
I hate to say that the Saw franchise is being milked for all it's worth, I mean they're still amazing films and very intriguing and they always have gripping storylines, but without Jigsaw or Amanda, it's kinda blah. Like when another actor takes over a main character's role, it never feels right and the whole show suffers for it.

Acting Jobs: The actors for Saw are always awesome. Agent Strahm's actor kinda sucks, but it's all good.

Soundstrack: Heavy metal and the good ol' Saw theme. I'll never buy it, but it fits the movie.

Plot : Great, but I don't recommend watching this movie unless you've seen the four prequels.

Story : Once again, not interesting unless you've seen the previous four movies. It's great for basically filler, but it's still filler.

Over-all: Didn't have the same feel as the others. The actual game was always blinded by the story of Hoffman's past and Strahm's search for Hoffman, so it kinda loses it's intrigue. But the traps were ingenius, like always, it fills all of the plot holes from the previous movies, except the damn envelope thing. It's defintely my least favorite of the five Saws. Its was like Diet Saw, but it's still a vital part of the story and give you more depth into what Hoffman really is.

My Rating: Uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...........I'll say.........7.5/10

Preferred Audience: Funny thing. I actually saw a damn 8 year old exiting the theater after this movie was over. o_o
It's SAW for God's sake! It is VERY graphic! I mean, there is no sex or nudity, but there is swearing and DURR very violent, graphic images. Beheadings, self-mutilation, people getting sliced in half, people sawing their arms in half, people getting blown up with bombs inside jars filled with nails, and someone gets very slowly crushed.
I'd say be either 17 to watch or be one tough stomached sombitch.
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« Reply #10 on: November 09, 2008, 08:26:55 pm »

My cousin saw it on the Internet and said it wasn't that bad. I only saw like 5 minutes myself though.
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« Reply #11 on: November 09, 2008, 08:34:04 pm »

My cousin saw it on the Internet and said it wasn't that bad. I only saw like 5 minutes myself though.
It honestly wasn't that bad. Quite good actually. But comparing it to the other Saw's it's just not on top.
I'm guessing I have a tendency to sound pretty harsh during even my positive reviews, no? XD
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« Reply #12 on: November 09, 2008, 09:05:39 pm »

Heh, yeah. I convinced him not to spend his money on it. I figured it'd just be gore, something you could find on the Internet. I wish scary movies still existed.
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« Reply #13 on: November 09, 2008, 09:12:07 pm »

Heh, yeah. I convinced him not to spend his money on it. I figured it'd just be gore, something you could find on the Internet. I wish scary movies still existed.
Actually it has a lot less gore than the other four movies. XD
Like I said, this movie was basically just for filling in the plot holes left behind from the last four installments and explaining why and how Hoffman becamse Jiggy's apprentice. Trying to please the die-hard Saw fans.

Saw's not really a horror, as it has no shock value. It's more like a giant word puzzle with gore. You have to have a bit of a twisted side to really truly appreciate it.

As for the scary movie thing, well, me too. Some movies have caught my eye, like that Haunting of Molly-what's-her-face and a preview for Bloody Valentine part 3 in 3D, but I've yet to see any new movies be worthy of my adrenaline.
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« Reply #14 on: November 10, 2008, 06:08:05 pm »

You have to have a bit of a twisted side to really truly appreciate it.

Well, no. You'd be hard pressed to find someone more crazy than me, and I don't really appreciate it.
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