WARNING: WTF?! Has extreme amounts of randomness and several varieties of cheese.
Viewer discretion is advisedWritten by: Me
Starring: Me and several variations of....well, me.
Special Thanks to: The creators of Halo for providing me with a new video game addiction that steers me away from Runescape.
~`WTF?! THE ULTIMATE LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW! `~
SPECIAL REPORT!!
Announcer: From Her Room, NotTelling U.S.A, it's WTF?! The Ultimate Late Night Talk Show SPECIAL REPORT!
*Applause*
Announcer: And here's your host, the always random DARKTOPH!
*Applause*
DT: Thank you, thank you! Hello and welcome to WTF?! Where brain cells are for LOSERS!
I'm your host DT. You may be wondering where my new co-host, Thomas is. Well, we were in discussions for making a WTF?! episode about the election. Well, long story short, we started "arguing" about it and somehow digressed into a conversation about Ultra ****....Yyyyyyeah.
Anyway, I felt like you people had waited long enough so I decided to write a special report episode myself.
RP: *Reading from script* Gee, DT. But what makes this episode of WTF?! So special? *cheesy grin*
DT: Glad you asked, stupid idiot. Well, because this is the first WTF!? made since Aisenfield became a year old!
Audience: YAY!!
RP: Who gives a sh--ACK! *gets throat slit*
DT:
I give a shi--ACK! RP... I do.
I'm also going to explain what exactly I've been doing lately.
RP's ghost: Booori---ACK!! *gets captured by the Ghostbusters*
DT: Thanks guys.
Ghostbusters: No problem. *They Drive away*
DT: Anyhoo...I've been busy with lots of crap lately.
Namely, my schoolwork, AMVs, my other fanfics, my MidTerms, my **** of a computer, reading Bones fanfics(I've gotten SO addicted....I can't stop. Is there rehab for this!?) my never ending supply of reasons I feel the need to carve out my sinus cavity with a toothpick, also known as my sister, and my lazy-assness. 8O
Announcer: You're also in desperate need of a haircut.
DT: Yeah, yeah, that too....You know what...."Announcer" is a pain to write out each time. What's your real name?
Announcer: Announcer.....
DT: You've
got to be fu**ing kidding me....
Announcer: Nope....It's like that guy from Austin Powers 3! He had a giant mole on his face and was also a mole, ya know a spy!? Ahhh....That movie was funny.
DT: ......What's your last name then?
Announcer: Whoirritatesthelivingcrapoutofangel.....
DT: ........Wow.
Announcer: Yeah.
DT: How about I just call you.....Flopsie?
Announcer: Did you speak with my wife?! I'M TAKING MEDICATIONS FOR GOD'S SAKE!
DT: What?....I named you after the GorillaGoat Bumi has from Avatar...
Flopsie:........Oh.......
DT:................Yeah........
Flopsie:......*cough*......Uhhhh..........What are you planning on doing with Sephy? Gay jokes, pretty jokes, all the butta and graveh are all out of the question. And LHS doesn't even seem to enjoy the psychotic killer thing.
DT: Yes...well....I've been thinking about that and I've decided to make him our security guard outside the studio.
Flopsie: What good will that do you?
DT: Wanna see?
Flopsie: *nods*
DT: *imagines*
*POP!*
*RP Regenerates*
RP:.......AW DAMMIT!!! MOTHER FU**ER!! CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME REST, YOU PISSANT?! *sighs* Maybe if I let her kill me again, she'll leave me dead.
*drives to studio*
*Gets out of car and walks to the studio*
*comes face-to-face with Sephy*
Sephy: Are you authorized to be in this studio? We are filming right now.
RP: Yes! I'm part of the show! I'm RP!! She constantly tortures and/or kills and/or emotionally scars and/or makes me crossdress and/or makes me tape Maury ALL THE TIME!!
Sephy: *checks list* Sorry, no RP. You better leave, little man/woman.
RP: I'm a man!!
Sephy: You sure about that?
RP: Of course I a--*DT imagines* *POP!* .............*looks down* Dear Lord! These things are as big as Justin Timberlake's ego and Miley Cyrus's chances of becoming a burned out ****-hasbeen COMBINED!! You could've at least imagined me up a bra, you ****!
Sephy: Sorry, si--Ma'am. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
RP: She JUST did this to me!! Didn't you see?!
Sephy: Yes I did see. And you are quite attractive, by the way.
RP: That's not th--Really?
Sephy: Yes. And you smell like a midsummer's rain.
RP: Oh...well, than--DAMN YOU ESTROGEN!! LET ME IN THE BUILDING!!
Sephy: No can do, sir and/or madam. And if you do not cooperate, I will be forced to get physical.
RP: Isn't it wrong for a guy to hit a girl?
Sephy: Not only is that sexist, but, have you seen the game footage of me? I got no trouble teaching a **** a thing or two.
RP: That statement was also sexist!
Sephy: Screw you, sir and/or madam. *Slices RP's head off*
*DT peeks in through a window*
DT: Good work, Seph.
Sephy: Thanks, Boss. Think this segment will get LHS off our backs?
DT: If it doesn't I'm killing you off, so you better pray or you'll be bending over and kissing yo' fine ass goodbye.
Flopsie: Huh....That
is a nice ass.
Sephy: I thought we were done with this!
DT: It's a friggin' compliment, you silver haired bastard! Don't forget who signs your paychecks!
Sephy: Paychecks?! I haven't gotten any damn paychecks!
DT: Who said anything about giving them to you? I just sign them! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! LOLROFLOMGWTFWUTANOOB!!!
Sephy: I. Hate. You.
DT: But we love you! =D
Sephy: Suck on a rusty nail then die.
DT: Your mother's a ****.
Anyway, that's all for this installment of WTF!?
Happy anniversary Aisenfield!
I'll leave with this final thought--It doesn't matter what you say or do....I am going to fer-flucking kill RP every. chance. I. get.
..........AND BRING HIM RIGHT BACK FOR MORE TORTURE! 8D
*Imagines* *POP!* *RP regenerates*
RP:...........I hope you die.
DT: I hope you die, too. Oh, wait. I don't have to hope! =D
*Imagines a safe falls on RP's head*
RP: *Whistling from above getting louder* What does that say? 'Imagines a safe falling on my--' isn't that a bit Looney Toons for y--*Safe crashes on his head*
Dt: You can't beat the classics, ****.
Good night folks!
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*in a store*
Little boy: Mommy, can I get this cool action figure?
Mother: Sorry, sweetie, no.
Little Boy: YOU ****!! I HATE YOU!!! I KNOW YOUR HAIR IS TURNING GREY, MOLLY MENOPAUSE!! I WISH I LIVED WITH DAD AND HIS VARIOUS BITCHES!!
Mother: *gasp* D=<
Announcer: Hey look in that aisle, Mom!
Mother: *gasp* =O
Soap-O's!?!
Announcer: Mmm Hmm.
Mother: >=)
*at home*
Little Boy: But Mama! I dun want them!!
Mother: You'll eat your Soap-O's and you will like them you little bastard!!
Little boy: *cries as he eats the cereal*
Announcer: Soap-O's also foam when added to milk! They also foam in your child's stomach! So they writhe in agony until it digests, all the while thinking of what they did!
Little boy: Mama...I'm sorry about what I said in that store.
Mother: Apology accepted, son. *ruffles his hair*
Little boy: Mama?
Mother: Yes, son?
Little boy: Can you take me to the hospital now?
Mother: Hahah, sure son.
Announcer: and the best part is, no child abuse charges! Poison!? No poison! Just good ol' cereal! *wink*
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