Aisenfield
March 29, 2024, 02:16:20 am
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: "You mess with Aisenfield, Aisenfield messes with you." ~nya_chan
 
  Home Help Arcade Gallery Staff List Login Register  

Bobbing For Lobsters

Pages: [1] 2 3 4   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Bobbing For Lobsters  (Read 2423 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Kenta.....
Fallible Human Being
Esteemed Members
Resident
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 786


Emotionally Retarded



Badges: (View All)
Linux User Tenth year Anniversary Nineth year Anniversary Eighth year Anniversary Mobile User
« on: August 18, 2008, 04:04:54 pm »

Once upon a time, there was a guy who got bullied a lot in the real world, and as a defense mechanism, began creating a world of his own.  It started small, then grew bigger with time, until many variations of characters inhabited it.  They became grounds for many different stories, and as these stories got published in the real world, a fanbase eventually developed in the future.  Not a very big one, mind you, but one big enough to fill this auditorium.

Valtor: *Tossing his reading paper aside* Aaaaand . . . that's why you're all here now.

Guy in the Audience: Wait, the future?  Hold on, where are we now?

Kenta: You're in the past, as you'd call it.  Professor Cron's time machine brought you all here, from the year 2015.  Oh yeah, thanks for that, Professor.

Professor Cron: *From sidestage* Just give back what you stole from me so I'd do this.

Kenta: Ah, yes.  Your Phoenix Academy badge is under chair E-13, in the fifth row of seats.  Look carefully now, we sewed it to the underside of the cusion.

Girl in the Audience: Wait, you brought us here?!  What is this place?

Kenta: I'm glad you asked!  You're on live with the show where you meet all your favorite characters from our cast . . .

Valtor: And find out shocking truths about them . . .

Kenta/Valtor: BOBBING!  FOR!  LOBSTERS!

*Silence*

Kenta: You're supposed to cheer.

Guy from the Audience: You just zapped me from my after-school baseball game!  I have to be home by five, or Mom'll start making phone calls.  Send us back right now!

*Shouts of agreement from the audience*

Kenta: Wait, wait, wait!  I thought you guys liked us!  Valtor, do something!

Japanese Kid from the Audience: *Yelling something incomprehensible*

Guy from the Audience: You can't just kidnap us like this!  And to think, I once liked you guys!

Girl from the Audience: I'm calling my lawyer!

Valtor: *On a walkie-talkie* . . . yes, I realize it was a bad idea after the fact!  But what's done is already done.  Stop yelling at me and dim the lights already!

Kenta: (They're not taking this nearly as well as I'd hoped . . .)

Valtor: *As the lights dim* (The Producer told us to proceed as planned.  Look, kidnapping worked out in the end for the THS interviews.  Just stay cool and bring today's guest in!)

Kenta: (Right, right, the show must go on.)  *Ahem* Ladies and gentlemen!  Put your hands together for the not-so-mysterious masked man of our team . . . Levian Marilyn!

*Applause sound effect goes off, Levian enters stage left*

Levian: Argh!  The spotlight is too bright!  Valtor, can't you do something about that?

Valtor: "Valtor do this, Valtor do that" . . . *mumbles into his walkie-talkie*

Kenta: Take a load off, Levian.  *Motions to a crimson cushion chair* It's time to get in the Hot Seat!

Levian: *As everyone sits* Woah . . . this is a lot more nervewracking with a whole audience down there.

Kenta: That's why the lighting was so bright before.

Girl from the Audience: I love you Levian!  Woo-hoo!

Guy from the Audience: Levian, your sisters are hot!

Levian: Keep your greasy paws off my sisters!  Oh, and thank you, ma'am.

*Laughter from the audience*

Valtor: (Yes!  That's more like it!)

Kenta: (Let's keep 'em hooked.)  Okay, Levian!  I have your profile here, summarizing the role you play whenever you're with the lot of us.  You're usually one of our older people, in your upper teens.  You don't make friends easily, but you're loyal to the ones you do have-

Levian: Where did you get that?

Kenta: From the Executive Producer.

Levian: That is easily the creepiest piece of paper I have ever seen.

Girl from the Audience: I want to have your babies, Levian!

Valtor: (Ugh!  Fangirls ruin everything . . .)

Kenta: (Ssh!) Okay, Levian, you're typically a ninja in fighting stories, where you fly around on a gigantic peregrine falcon and throw explosives at enemies.  In slice-of-life stories, you're an overprotective brother to your sisters, and similarly, to your friends.  You're pretty stubborn, and tend to be funny without meaning to at times.  In summary, you're the Big Bro.

Levian: Why did you just read my personality to me?

Kenta: It's for the audience.

Levian: I thought they knew about me already?  They're fans from the future.

Girl from the Audience: Levian's so HAWT!

Valtor: Silence, you!

Levian: Hee, hee, hee.  It's okay, Valtor.  I don't mind.

Guy from the Audience: Levian, I like your oldest sister!

Levian: Silence, you! *Pulls out a bomb*

Kenta: Ah-ah-ah!  NO.  The people in those seats down there are the only fans we have.  We need every last one of them.

Levian: That's IT?  But there's only like, two hundred seats.

Kenta: Meaning they're more precious than water.  No throwing bombs at the fanboys.

Levian: Not even flash grenades?

Kenta: Not even flash grenades.  Anyway!  Valtor, would you do the honor of asking the awkward questions?

Valtor: I don't know if I want to do this anymore.  Levian's one of my only friends . . .

Kenta: Aren't you pretty good friends with his sisters?

Levian: Will you all stop bringing up my sisters?!

Kenta: (Bull's eye!)  Levian, how many sisters do you have?

Levian: (I give up.) Four.  They're all younger than me.

Kenta: Four sisters?  Wow!  How come you never talk about them?

Levian: Because I don't want any pedophiles coming after them!

*A few otaku guys shift nervously in the audience*

Kenta: So while you're out hanging with Valtor all the time, they're at school, or home by themselves?  You never spend any time with them?

Levian: Hey, that's not fair!  I provide for them.  Ever since Mom and Dad died, I'm the only one who's left to look out for their finances.  I don't just mess around with Valtor all the time!  . . . what are you doing?

Kenta: *Putting on a turbin*  What I do best: stealing ideas.  Valtor, hand me that envelope.  Ahem!  *Places envelope to his head* . . . . . . . . . . .

Levian: Did he fall asleep?

Valtor: Hang on.  You'll see.

Kenta: Sister Princess.  *Opens envelope* "Name a video game that Levian would suck at."

Levian: You are such a jackass.

Valtor: Come on, Kenta, move to the next thing already!

Kenta: All right, all right. *Still smirking from his last act* Levian, how much do you weigh?

Levian: Uh . . . with or without my clothes?

Girl in the Audience: Without!  Without!

Levian: About 97 pounds.

Kenta: Holy crap, dude!  Is that even possible?

Levian: How do you think Zephie holds me up?  I've trained my body to travel light.  Oh, and I've got really good metabolism, if that helps.

Kenta: Yeah, but 97 pounds?!  Valtor's heavier than you!  I'm pretty sure Kris is heavier than you!

Valtor: (Bad idea, dude.)

Kenta: Uh-oh.

Levian: HAH!  Merlin is SO gonna light up your ass for that!  You had it coming!

Kenta: Buck the Camera Guy can edit it out, right Buck?

Valtor: We're on live, remember?

Kenta: Oh.  Right.  Poopies.

Valtor: Let's just move on.  Levian, you wear that mask almost as frequently as Kakashi.  What's under there?

Levian: Um . . . my nose and my mouth?

Valtor: Anything else?

Levian: *Sarcastically* Yeah, I've got Kenta's car keys, your crucifix, a sack of jellybeans, and the remote control to that guy's TV over there.

Kenta: I don't have a car.

Levian: AND I DON'T HAVE YOUR DAMN KEYS!

Kenta: What did we tell you about those bombs?!  Put them away right now!

Valtor: *Loudly* It's time for the next segment of the show, "Roll the Clip"!  Here, we will be viewing one of Levian's most memorable moments on the screen behind me.  Kenta picked this one out, so without further ado . . . enjoy!

*Clip starts*

Arista was arguing to Sanya, and Valtor shut his eyes. If he just kept them shut, maybe the sisters would go away, and Levian wouldn’t find out about this and slaughter him. “Valtor?” came a third voice, and he couldn’t help opening his eyes again. Mia was standing in front of him, fully dressed, but looking brighter red than she ever had been. “I br-br-brought you a towel.”
The noise of a door slamming came from the direction of the house, and the four of them looked on guiltily. There he was, right on cue. Levian appeared around the corner, looking frustrated, and Valtor heard him fume to himself, “Where the hell did all our towels go?!” It took him a second to realize that his winged sentry, Zephie, was busy gobbling up the remainder of the evening’s meal on the ground away from her assigned post, while Valtor sat unguarded in the tub with three girls standing around him. For a second, he just stared, then (and Valtor swore later that he’d seen this), his eyes seemed to give off a demonic glow. Selene walked up behind him, a towel hanging off her extended arm. “Here,” she said to her brother’s back, “you can borrow mine if you really can’t find another . . . hey, are you all right?”
“Valtor . . . Daitan . . .” Levian said in a soft and dangerous voice, looking at his travel partner with a somewhat insane glare. “Thy god hath forsaken thee.”

***

For someone who’d never really read the Bible, Levian’s sense on what to do when your god forsook you was quite keen. To be precise, Valtor got to experience a second baptism, Levian-style. The ninja had stomped up to the tub, grabbed the back of Valtor’s head, and dunked him into the water, ignoring the protest of his sisters. “I baptize you in the name of the FATHER-” *splash!* “-and the SON-” *splash!* “And the . . . um . . . what was that last one?”
“Holy Ghost?” offered Valtor helpfully.
“And the HOLY GHOST!” *Splash!* On this last one, Valtor had gotten a good deal of water up his nose.


*Clip shuts off*

Kenta: One of my favorites.

*Audience is howling with laughter*

Valtor: . . . you . . . you . . . you . . .

Levian: I can't believe you just did that.

Kenta: Oh, lighten up.  It's all in good fun, right?

Valtor: Right . . . all in good fun.  Excuse me for a moment, while I put in the scene where you react to Kristora in the hot spring-

Kenta: Whoops, look at the time!  We need to move on to Character Comparisons!  This is the audience-votes section of the show, where you choose one of three canon characters that the day's guest most reminds you of!  Now then, based on Levian's personality, would you say he's most like . . .
A. Natsume Shin from Tenjou Tenge?
B. Ron Weasley from Harry Potter?
C. Or Pokemon's very own . . . Brock?
Take your time voting.  The results will be revealed on our next show!

Levian: I don't think I'm like any of those.  Especially Shin!  He's a f***ing psycho!

Kenta: Audience's decision, Levian.  Not yours.

Valtor: I don't think anyone's going to want to talk to us again, when this is all over.

Kenta: Ah, they'll get past it.  Now, for something completely different: it's the Words of Wisdom for the day!  Yaaaay!

Levian: I wasn't expecting something like that to be on this show.

Valtor: Hey, Levian.  This is your moment.  Say something smart.

Levian: What?!  I . . . I don't know!  You sprang this on me out of nowhere!

Kenta: Come on, dude.  You're making us all wait.

Levian: Uh . . . uhhhh . . . oh, I got it.  "Pants on first, THEN shoes."

Kenta: . . . that's it?  That's the best you've got?

Levian: Let's see you do better.

Kenta: Okay, um . . . "early is on time, on time is late, and late is unacceptable."  CHARLIE!  GET OUT HERE!

Valtor: *As the squeaking of a wheelbarrow becomes audible* At this time, Charlie the Mailboy is going to bring in some letters from fans, all addressed to Levian.  We'll see what they have to say to him.

Guy in the Audience: Where are you getting these from?

Professor Cron: The future, obviously.

Kenta: Hurry up, Charlie!

Charlie: ( *Mumble* . . . gonna set this building on fire . . .)



Kenta: Candy Mountain, Charlie!  Candy Mountaaaaiiiiiin!   Heh, heh, he hates it when I do that.

Levian: Stop provoking the poor emo kid and just open a letter.

Valtor: I got it.  Let's see . . . "Hey Levian.  You suck.  Signed, Joe Mama."

Levian: Does it really say that?

Valtor: Look, Kenta's the one who reads things that aren't really there.  I don't do that.

Levian: Let me see that letter.  Hmmm . . . this came from a guy in the future?

Kenta: Uh-huh.

Levian: So he's heard of us, but never became an actual fan, right?

Kenta: I guess that's true.

Levian: Then I get to blow him up.  He'd be about elementary school age right now, correct?

Kenta: You're acting like Hakujou.

Levian: I'm not gonna keep taking all this abuse.  Somebody's going to suffer.

Kenta: Let's just get another letter, shall we?  "Levian: why is Zephie so huge?  Did you feed her steroids?  And why do you always call her 'my sweet'?  Have you got a crush on your own bird?  -Joel"  You know, Levian, I've been wondering that too.

Levian: Wondering what?

Kenta: Both.

Levian: You know, the entire world hasn't been fully mapped out yet.  I found Zephie in one of those uncharted spots, during my younger teenage years.

Valtor: You mean, around the time you got expelled from your home village for almost blowing up that old lady?

Levian: *Sigh* YES, Valtor.  Anyway, I figured that if birds could grow to the size of ostriches on land, why not in the sky?  So I-

Kenta: Yes, that's all very interesting, now why do you have a crush on your bird?

Levian: I don't have a crush on Zephie!  Are you in love with your fire dragon?

Kenta: Eww, no.  He's a guy.

Levian: And he's a dragon.  'Nuff said.

Valtor: *Loudly* The next letter reads "If Zephie were a human girl, would you marry her? -Samantha"

Levian: Okay, now you ARE reading what isn't really there.

Valtor: Nope!  It actually says that.

Kenta: So would you?

Levian: Um . . . no.

Kenta: That took a lot of thinking.

Levian: I was still processing it in my mind.  You know.  The fact that she asked that question.

Kenta: One more letter!  Go, Valtor, go!

Valtor: Alright, last one reads: "who do u lov"  No signature on this one.

Levian: Why do these kids care so much about that?

Kenta: Question's been asked!  Who do ya love, Levian?

Levian: I don't have to do this.  I'm not answering.

Kenta: Oh?  Why not?  Why not, Levian?  Why not?

Levian: I'm not in love with anyone!  And if I were, I wouldn't embarrass her in front of this huge audience by yelling her name!

Valtor: Easy, Levian.  Okay, we're into the last part of the show.  "Skeptic's Input," this is where a certain somebody we all love to hate comes in and accuses us of stealing ideas from popular media.  So let's all get our throwing tomatoes ready, and welcome the one and only . . . Guy From The Sidelines!

*Imperial March theme plays.  Enter Guy From The Sidelines, stage right*



Kenta: I see you got a new shirt, dude.

Guy From The Sidelines: Yep.  Quick, simple, to the point, and highly cliched.



Levian: I remember you!  You're that giant nerd who comes out whenever we're not active in RPGs or stories!

Guy From The Sidelines: Aka, The Sidelines, dumbass.  *Turns to Kenta*  By the way, you're a complete Inuyasha ripoff.  He's the hero with long white hair.  You have long white hair.

Kenta: You're not doing me.

Levian: Get him!

Guy From The Sidelines: *Turning back to Levian* I know the secret of your birth.  You were conceived in the Creator's mind when he saw an episode of Ruroni Kenshin where a villain flew around dropping bombs on a village.  Yahiko fought him.  The Creator thought "that's cool!  I want a character like that!"  So you were stolen from that anime.

Levian: What?  It wasn't even a main character?

Guy From The Sidelines: You almost weren't a main character in this crap.  The Creator eventually decided to fall back on you, simply because he didn't want to make any more new characters.

Levian: Brrr . . . that's cold, man.

Guy From The Sidelines: And another thing- your name was originally short for "Leviathan," for absolutely no reason except the Creator thought it sounded sort of cool.  He's trying to cover up by stating that the word "avian" is somewhat in your name, which indicates you fly frequently.  But I know the truth.

Levian: *Fetal position, sucking thumb*

Guy From The Sidelines: Well, that's enough for one day.  Goodbye everyone.  You all still suck. *Vanishes*

Valtor: Why do we have this part of the show again?

Kenta: I don't know.

Levian: Y'know, he kinda has a point.  You do have a bunch of Inuyasha characteristics about you.

Kenta: Alright, that's enough.  Until next time, our cherished audience, farewell!  Don't miss the next exciting episode of Bobbing For Lobsters, which will feature the masterful manakete, Ryushune!

Girl in the Audience: Do we get to go home now?

Valtor: Pfft, no.
Report Spam   Logged

Recently discovered Pathfinder (modern D&D). Thanks for introducing me to the concepts all those years ago.

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

America
And I'll be the hero!
Resident
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 1475


Alfred/America [Hetalia: Axis Powers]


WWW
Badges: (View All)
Combination Topic Starter Poll Voter Level 4 Level 3
« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2008, 06:15:58 pm »

That last letter...was it from...Mary-Sue? >_> <_< Anyway, this has been the most laughs I've gotten for today. Cheesy It made my day. :3 Question: Bobbing for Lobsters?  Where'd you get THAT from? O_o

As for everything else...I like how you used sprites for your emotes.  It was a nice touch. ^^

My vote is on Ron 'cause Levian's over-protective attitude for his sister/s.

Hm...I think that's all...for now. :3
Report Spam   Logged

"To love someone... It is not to shut one's eyes to the other, nor to block one's ears to the truth... To love one another... Is to walk through life together... Open your eyes, open your ears... Look at each other... and together seek the best path for the both of you." -Endrance, .hack//G.U. Reminisce

*Didn't draw the icon.  I don't know who did, but they're amazing and they deserve the credit.
All About Amazing Alliterations
The Champion of Aisenfield
Resident
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 390


Lookin' for love.



Badges: (View All)
Combination Topic Starter Poll Voter Level 3 Level 2
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2008, 03:23:22 pm »

Kenta, you claimed I raised the bar high. I say you just destroyed it, and then set up a new one at the top of the Empire State Building. This is excellent! Very well done! I love it! You've made a fan outta me!

Sprites=GUD. It add realism to your characters, which is also GUD. *applause* And hey, if you ever run out of ideas, feel free to steal one of my characters to interview.
Do an interview of all of Levians sisters next, at the same time. ^^Be HILARIOUS! or of Kristora. She's one of my favorites, along with Levian.
Report Spam   Logged

What Vocaloid Character You Are Most Like
 
My Results:

 


 
Kagamine Rin
 
Crazy and tough, no one should mess with you.  You'll stick up for your friends and you aren't afraid to.  No one could have a more true friend than you.

Zelo is... Rin?!?
Kenta.....
Fallible Human Being
Esteemed Members
Resident
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 786


Emotionally Retarded



Badges: (View All)
Linux User Tenth year Anniversary Nineth year Anniversary Eighth year Anniversary Mobile User
« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2008, 01:09:48 am »

Kenta: Welcome back to Bobbing for Lobsters, the talkshow where you meet your favorite characters from the cast and find out shocking truths about them.

Valtor: Thanks for your patience, everyone.

Guy from the Audience: You've kept us strapped to our seats for three days now!

Kenta: You all would've left if we hadn't.

Girl from the Audience: Damn right, we would have!  Do you have any idea how stressful it is, sitting in the same spot for three days straight without moving?

Kenta: Yup.  My friends who play Halo tell me all the time.

Guy from the Audience: This is cruel and unusual punishment for a crime we didn't commit!

Kenta: Oh, come on, this costed me too y'know!  I had toilet holes installed into all those seats, and I hired a monkey to throw peanuts to you guys during mealtimes.

Guy from the Audience: That's not all he threw at us!

Kenta: Wait . . . so you're not black?

Valtor: ANYWAY, we really should get the next guest in here.  Today's interviewee, as promised, is Kenta's best nonhuman friend- give it up for Ryushune!

*Applause sound effect goes off, Ryushune enters stage left*

Kenta: Aaaaaah!  Everybody run!  It's a vampire!

Ryushune: Oh, great.  Wonderful.  That joke gets less funny every time I hear it.

Girl from the Audience: We can't run anyway!

Valtor: Welcome, Ryushune.  Just sit right on down in the Hot Seat, will you?

Ryushune: This seat's for humans.  I . . . don't think I can quite get in.

Kenta: Just scrunch up your wings a little bit.  Here, let me help . . . there you go.

Ryushune: I think this legally counts as cruelty to animals.

Kenta: Oh, don't be so hard on yourself.  You're not an animal.  Now, onto the first question: can you turn into an animal?

Ryushune: Don't you already know the answer to this?

Valtor: (Kenta!  You forgot to read his Character Profile!)

Kenta: (Whoopsie!  Thanks.)  Alright, let's see what we've got . . . Ryushune, I have your profile here, summarizing the role you play whenever you're with the lot of us.  You're never a human, but always a manakete, typically somewhere between age fifteen and fifty.  Your constant appearance is one of a young adult human with horns and wings, and-

Ryushune: I think they know that.  They can see me quite plainly.

Kenta: Oh, right.  Anyway, you've got a pretty warm nature despite your fearsome fighting abilities as a half-dragon.  Your patience and loyalty are your best traits, and as for the bad . . . you really just keep to yourself too much.

Ryushune: How is that bad?

Valtor: Well . . . how can people get to know you when you won't open up to them?

Ryushune: Should I want them to know me?  They wiped out almost all of my kind.

*An awkward silence hangs in the air for a full minute*

Kenta: *Cough, cough* . . . So!  Uh . . . how do you like it on the stage?

Ryushune: I'm very uncomfortable.  Why did you have me sit in this abominable chair?

Kenta: The Hot Seat is sacred!  Where else are we going to put you to ask the weird questions?

Ryushune: Such as-?

Valtor: Ooh, I know!  Ryushune, do you ever roll over your wings in your sleep?

Ryushune: Um . . . sometimes.

Kenta: Doesn't that hurt?

Ryushune: Nothing a little Ibuprofen can't cure.

Kenta: Really?  Okay, how about this?  Doesn't it burn your mouth when you breathe fire?

Ryushune: Nothing a little mouthwash can't cure.

Kenta: Doesn't it suck that there are no girl manaketes out there for you?

Ryushune: Nothing a little-  where are you going with this?

Kenta: What were you about to say?

Valtor: Kenta!  That was very inappropriate!

Kenta: You don't even know what he was going to say!  Get your mind out of the gutter!

Ryushune: This seat is really bothering me.  Can't I just stand?

Kenta: Wait until the questions are over.  How many people have mistaken you for a vampire?

Ryushune: Do you mean how many people, or how many times it's happened?

Kenta: Does it make a difference?

Ryushune: It does if the same person keeps repeating the mistake . . . Kenta.

Kenta: Well, those fangs do kinda screw you in that regard.  What do you do when people call you a vampire?

Ryushune: Hmm . . . I used to get really mad, and yell profanities at them for their ignorance.  Now I just shrug it off.  You must know what I'm talking about.  How many times have you been called a girl?

Kenta: I lost count after I stopped counting . . . which I never did, but I think it was a double-digit number.

Ryushune: And what do you do now?

Kenta: When someone calls me a girl?  I knock them out.

Ryushune: You knock them out?

Kenta: Hey now, this isn't my interview!  Valtor, ask the last question.

Valtor: I've got it.  Ryushune, is it hard to eat with those fangs sticking out of your mouth?

Ryushune: Not really.

Valtor: Maybe I should rephrase it- have you ever bitten your tongue by accident?

Ryushune: Once.  I poked two holes clean through it.

Valtor: Ooh.  Ouch.

Kenta: Man, if only you had a third fang!  Then you could hole-punch notebook paper for fitting in binders!  *Snort* Hee hee hee hee!


Ryushune: This sense of rage building up inside my chest . . . do people sitting here usually experience this?

Valtor: Please don't turn into a dragon and kill us.

Ryushune: I'll try to contain myself.

Kenta: Phew!  Then let's move on to "Roll the Clip," where we'll review one of Ryushune's most memorable moments in action.

*Clip starts*

“Just how old are you, anyway?”
“How old-?” Ryushune apparently wasn’t ready for this question. “Uh . . . you know what, I really don’t know.” Kenta blinked at him. “You . . . don’t know?”
“Well, I’m definitely older than you. But my relatives would still consider me to be in adolescence. Hmm . . .” Ryushune thought for a moment, then looked back at Kenta. “You know, I’m surprised you asked my age before my race. It’s obvious you don’t know what I am.” Kenta shrugged. “I didn’t want to offend you.”
“You pretty much blew it already, when you called me the devil back there.”
Whoops, thought Kenta, embarrassed. “Okay, so then what are you? A vampire? Er, a fish-eating vampire?”
Ryushune gave him a skeptical look. “A . . . fish-eating . . . vampire?”
Another bad call, thought Kenta. Way to go, idiot.
“I am a manakete,” said Ryushune matter-of-factly, “a cross between a human and a dragon.” Kenta couldn’t help himself, he blurted out his immediate question to such a claim. “How does that happen?”
“Well, it-” Ryushune stopped. “Look, can we get out of here? Something keeps nibbling at my feet.”


*Clip shuts off*

Kenta: Oh, that's right.  I did call you the devil first.  Heh, I'd forgotten about that.

Ryushune: And then you had the brilliance to call me a fish-eating vampire.

Valtor: When was this?  I saw that you guys were knee-deep in a lake someplace.  Where was I?

Kenta: You weren't there for that, Valtor.  I have no idea where you were.

Ryushune: I'm still not sure what made me decide to accompany you on your adventure later on.  What did I see in you back then-?

Kenta: Let's not get into that.  It's time for Character Comparisons!  As you may recall, audience members, Levian was compared to three canon characters last time.  Your votes are in, and according to the poll results, his personality is most like . . . *pauses* . . . Natsume Shin!

Valtor: No way!  Levian is lil' Sephiroth?

Kenta: I guess we made him too mad during our last show, and the audience got the wrong impression of him.  But enough about him, it's Ryushune's turn!  Ladies and gentlemen, would you say that Ryushune is most like . . .
A. Balmung of the Azure Sky from .Hack//?
B. Squall Leonhart from Final Fantasy VIII?
C. Or Ruroni Kenshin's "Zanza," Sanosuke?
Remember, your pick will be revealed on the show's next episode!

Ryushune: Squall's an option?  Am I really that emo?

Kenta: How many friends do you have, Ryushune?

Ryushune: *Sigh* Point taken.

Valtor: (If he wasn't so gentle, you do realize you'd probably be a pile of charred bones by now, right?)

Kenta: (I've lived this long, haven't I?  I know what I'm doing.)

Valtor: Fine.  It's time for the Words of Wisdom for the day.  I say *glares at Kenta* "play with fire, and you're going to get burned."

Kenta: But this isn't about what you have to say, but what Ryushune has to say.  So, Ryushune?

Ryushune: Levian warned me about this segment yesterday.  He told me to tell you this: "if it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down."

Kenta: You shouldn't quote stupid things from Levian!

Ryushune: But it's funny.

Kenta: (I can hardly wait for Chatox's turn) . . . CHARLIE!  Mail time!

Ryushune: Oh, my.  That boy's got a wheelbarrow.  Are all those letters for me?

Valtor: Yep!  You've got a lot of fans, by the look of it.

Kenta: Not quite as many as Levian, though.  I think his sisters have something to do with that.  Anyhoo, I'm picking a letter at random here.  "Dear Ryushune: Hi, I am a big fan of Fire Emblem, and I think that if you went into that game it would be really cool and you would be my fav char.  Signed, Cory."  Well, isn't that nice.  I wonder what character class you'd be?

Valtor: Are you joking, or being serious?  I can't tell.

Kenta: He'd be a Pegasus Knight.  That's the impression I get.  I've always imagined he'd be that class. What?

Ryushune: Nothing.

Kenta: You've got a weird look on your face.

Ryushune: It's nothing.  But really . . . you thought I'd make a good Pegasus Knight?

Kenta: Uh-huh.  Or a regular Knight.

Valtor: To avoid an overdose of stupidity, I'm opening the next letter.  I may regret doing this.  "Dear Ryushune: I've got a question.  You're about the size of an average human, but when you become a dragon, you're suddenly seventeen feet tall and weigh hundreds of pounds.  Physics-wise, how's that supposed to work?  -Skeptic."  You know, that's a fair question.

Ryushune: *Shrugs* I don't know the answer.

Valtor: You don't?

Ryushune: I'm not a scientist.  Ask Merlin.  He knows everything.

Valtor: Well, does it hurt?

Ryushune: Nothing a little Tylenol can't cure.

Kenta: Just how many pain relievers do you have on you?

Valtor: "Dear Ryushune: Hi, I have a question.  If you and Lloyd Irving got into a fight, who would win?  Signed, Sheena."  Hmm.  Must be a Tales of Symphonia fan.

Kenta: They've got that new game out now.  I haven't played it, but I hear it kicks ass.

Valtor: So, who would win?

Ryushune: Who is this "Lloyd Irving"?

Kenta: He's a guy who wields twin swords, much like you brandish your fangs.  He's actually a lot like you, only he says "dammit" more.

Ryushune: That doesn't give me much.  I dunno . . . I suppose I'd win if I shifted to full dragon form.

Kenta: Yeah, but Lloyd has an Exphere in his hand which gives him superhuman strength.  I've played the first game, and let me tell you, he destroys dragons.

Ryushune: Oh, I see how it is.  Maybe you'd like to be friends with him instead of me.

Kenta: Aw c'mon, don't take it that way.

Valtor: Tactful, Kenta.  Real tactful.  I'm going to read one more letter . . . . . . wait, how'd this get in here?  This one's for Kenta.

Kenta: Really?  Here, let me see that.  "Question: Bobbing for Lobsters?  Where'd you get THAT from? -Ike."  *Adopts an official tone of voice* Well you see, Ike, there's a game people play at parties, where they fill a tub of water with apples then dunk their heads in to grab one up with their teeth.  It's fun to play, and you nearly always get the prize if you work hard enough for it.  *Grins* Well, we think apples are too safe.  On this talkshow, we don't "bob" for pleasant answers by asking nice, easy, happy little questions.  We bob for compelling answers by putting out shameless, dangerous, inappropriate questions!  What could possibly suit the metaphor better than lobsters?  Crabs?  Maybe piranhas?

Ryushune: I take it you haven't been bitten yet.

Kenta: Well, the peanut-throwing monkey bit me once.

Valtor: You probably deserved it.  We're going to finish up now with "Skeptic's Input," where the Guy From The Sidelines will come in to accuse us of stealing ideas from popular media.  You may want to make yourself as inconspicuous as possible, Ryushune.

Ryushune: Way ahead of ya.
*Imperial March theme plays.  Enter Guy From The Sidelines, stage right*

Kenta: Hi.

Guy From The Sidelines: Hello, Inuyasha ripoff.  Did I mention that your sword does wind-slash techniques just like the Tetsusaiga?

Kenta: Oh, shut up.

Guy From The Sidelines: Ah, there's the manakete.  I hope you realize that the Microsoft Word program doesn't even consider that a real word.

Ryushune: . . .

Guy From The Sidelines: You're a rather recent addition to the character pool, Ryushune.  Until the Creator found out there was a name for half-dragon human hybrids (which by the way, he stole from Fire Emblem), you didn't exist.  Your name doesn't make much sense either, except for the "Ryu" part of it, which is Japanese for "dragon."  Needless to say, that's rather lame.

Ryushune: . . .

Guy From The Sidelines: As for your character, well, you don't really have one.  Your job is to be like the Paladin at the start of Fire Emblem games, as the big strong guy who blasts all the enemies out of the way that the hero can't handle.  Personality not included.

Ryushune: . . .

Guy From The Sidelines: You're not even going to lash back?  Hmph, that would be considering you can.  Though you travel with Kenta, you keep your distance from him because there's really nothing to say.  I've been listening to your replies to the awkward questions earlier.  Dull as dirt, you are.  How would you survive as a character in a story without fighting, I wonder?

Ryushune: I'm sorry Kenta.  But I can't take another second of this.

Guy From The Sidelines: What, are you going to-

Kenta: Aaaargh!  The stage!  Somebody grab the fire extinguishers!

Girl from the Audience: We can't reach them!  Some intelligent genius decided to lock us onto our seats!

Valtor: Doggon it!  Somehow I knew we wouldn't be able to get in two whole interviews without the stage catching fire.  Alright everyone, stay tuned for the next flamboyant episode of Bobbing For Lobsters, where we'll be chatting with the legendary Magi himself, Merlin Durai!

Kenta: Valtor, your cloak's on fire.

Valtor: AAAAH!  Put it out!
Report Spam   Logged

Recently discovered Pathfinder (modern D&D). Thanks for introducing me to the concepts all those years ago.
Elize
FABULOUS
Resident
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 813


My personal text went missing...



Badges: (View All)
Level 5 Sixth year Anniversary Windows User Combination Topic Starter
« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2008, 01:53:04 am »

If you take the fangs and color the hair and wings white, you can kinda see Balmung.

Dear Bobbing for Lobsters,

       I've loved your show since the first interview (though it's been only two so far).
How can I get the front row or any type of special seats?

                                           Sincerely,
                                               inu43

P.S- Does being tied up come with it (Hooray for being tied up!)?


*sends the letter*
Good to go!

Anyway, this is hilarious, Kenta. I laughed when I saw a letter from Sheena. xD
Report Spam   Logged

America
And I'll be the hero!
Resident
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 1475


Alfred/America [Hetalia: Axis Powers]


WWW
Badges: (View All)
Combination Topic Starter Poll Voter Level 4 Level 3
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2008, 09:27:13 am »

Hee hee...Sheena had such a good question. XD

Woot!  My letter got read! Grin *silence* *cough* Anyway...er...I'm tired and I don't really feel like saying anything else, so...yeah, I'll shut up now. >_>;
Report Spam   Logged

"To love someone... It is not to shut one's eyes to the other, nor to block one's ears to the truth... To love one another... Is to walk through life together... Open your eyes, open your ears... Look at each other... and together seek the best path for the both of you." -Endrance, .hack//G.U. Reminisce

*Didn't draw the icon.  I don't know who did, but they're amazing and they deserve the credit.
All About Amazing Alliterations
The Champion of Aisenfield
Resident
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 390


Lookin' for love.



Badges: (View All)
Combination Topic Starter Poll Voter Level 3 Level 2
« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2008, 10:25:09 am »

Ooohhh, Merlin... I've wanted to ask him this for a LOOONNNGGGG time now.

      "Dear Merlin Durai:
          Any particular reason, back in the forest outside of Konoha, you took Kristora and ran like a coward leaving the other whiners and I to face down Oroki? I still can't go near shadows, man!

            JACKASS!!!!!!!!
                 ~Saiko Uchiga.
        P.S: Tell Levian I like his sisters by the way."

Hee hee! Merlin is one of the better characters on this website. Great job Kenta! *nice guy pose*
Report Spam   Logged

What Vocaloid Character You Are Most Like
 
My Results:

 


 
Kagamine Rin
 
Crazy and tough, no one should mess with you.  You'll stick up for your friends and you aren't afraid to.  No one could have a more true friend than you.

Zelo is... Rin?!?
Kenji
Admincat
Administrator
I ♥ Aisenfield!
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 21238


Harem Master


WWW
Badges: (View All)
Nineth year Anniversary Search Eighth year Anniversary Seventh year Anniversary 20000 Posts
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2008, 02:06:13 pm »

Meh, I'll toss up a couple letters.

Dear Bobbing For Lobsters,

I have reason to believe that Kenta's hair is a sewn-on wig. While perusing the backstage of your building, I nearly stumbled in on the first show. From my distance, I could see what appeared to be a seam on the back of your head. Of course, I didn't want to ruin my cover, so I snapped a shot with a stolen cellphone and left. Useful devices, they are... What's your response?

Sincerely,
~ Leon Leviathan Kinotolian

P.S: Don't look up if you want to remain conscious till the end of the interview. Also, Valtor wins.


AND...

Dear Merlin Durai,

M.A.G.I.C. is fine and all, but can it compete with Lulu's Ultima Fury?

~ Tyren, AKA Zack-e-pants
Report Spam   Logged

iDemon
Self Proclaimed Arcade King
Resident
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 250




Badges: (View All)
Combination Topic Starter Level 3 Level 2 Level 1
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2008, 03:07:29 pm »

Dear Guy From The Sidelines,

I've been wondering this since the first interview, are you Max? You know, the little useless nerd that travels around with his ugly sister, May and the kid that never ages and started out with a hacked Pikachu, Ash? Or are you related to him some how? Also, why do you have such a negative attitude? For now on, I'm going to call you "Mr. Max Rip Off".

Sincerely,
iDemon

P.S. Levian, your sisters are hot.
Report Spam   Logged
Arctic master
Some guy, lolling in the RP and Fan-fic section
Resident
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 561


The Articuno pic is NOT mine. By Ishtar Ameilia



Badges: (View All)
Combination Topic Starter Level 4 Level 3 Level 2
« Reply #9 on: August 25, 2008, 04:40:17 pm »

Kenta... You have, once again, split my sides, dude.

Okay, here's a fan letter from me

Dear Merlin,

Short and sweet, you kick ass.

-A.M.
Report Spam   Logged


nya_chan's forums. Join, please.

People should stop writing fan-fics, if they're expecting support to continue them. If you want to start a fan-fic(or fan-FICS) You should write them because YOU want to, not because of how many people post or good comments you get on them. Still, put both quality and quantity(in paragraphs) in your work, add a banner, if the mood takes you, and finish what you start. Those are some of the good qualities of being a fan-fic writer, not just merely writing stories. ^_^

Mulan - I'll make a Man out of you song: Pretty catchy song. =D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSS5dEeMX64&feature=channel_page
Kenta.....
Fallible Human Being
Esteemed Members
Resident
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 786


Emotionally Retarded



Badges: (View All)
Linux User Tenth year Anniversary Nineth year Anniversary Eighth year Anniversary Mobile User
« Reply #10 on: September 05, 2008, 12:03:46 am »

Kenta: Welcome back to Bobbing for Lobsters, the show where we interview- . . . Valtor, what’s with the metal detector?

Valtor: The backstage staff tipped me off about a security breaching of some sort.

Kenta: You’re worried about a guy with a gun coming in here and blowing us away?  Dude, we’re not that popular.  Now Hannah Montana, she could stand to be a little more concerned about assassination attempts.  You, on the other hand, don’t you believe that you’re going to see Jesus if you die?

Valtor: Yeah, but there’s still a lot of junk left in life that I want to do first.

Kenta: We’re not going to die.  Have you forgotten who today’s guest is?  *Ahem* Ladies and gentlemen!  Wake up and get excited for Merlin Durai!

*Applause sound effect goes off, Merlin enters stage left*

Merlin: Oh, no!  Were they sleeping?  I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll come back another time-

Kenta: They’re up now, Merlin.  Don’t worry about it.

Girl from the Audience: That’s Merlin?  Why are there so many long-haired guys on this show?

Merlin: She’s pretty observative.  I suppose the maker of the show has a fetish for long hair, for men and women alike.

Kenta: NO!  No.  That’s not it.  Hair length symbolizes life experience.  Everybody knows that!

Merlin: If you say so.  *Sits down contentedly in the Hot Seat*

Kenta: Hey, I didn’t say you could sit there yet.

Merlin: I’ve watched the first two episodes, Kenta.  I’m familiar with how it goes.

Kenta: Then quit being so comfortable!

Merlin: But this one has soft cushions.  It’s much better than the last one that got burned to a cinder in the previous episode.

Kenta: *Turning on Valtor* Why did you order this one with cushions?

Valtor: It was on sale at Sears for 20% off!  I had to nab it!

Kenta: Couldn’t we have at least ripped off the cushions before the show, though?  The Hot Seat isn’t supposed to be a happy place.

Valtor: (Just between you and me, I don’t think we’re going to be able to pierce Merlin’s mental defenses anyway.)

Kenta: (Where there’s a will, there’s a way.  Why can’t we?)

Valtor: Well, for starters, I think he’s fallen asleep.

Kenta: What . . . ?  Wake up!

Merlin: Oh, dear.  I’m terribly sorry, how rude of me.

Kenta: (Look at that smirk.  He’s clearly trying to beat me at my own game.)

Valtor: (“Trying to”?)

Merlin: You look flustered, Kenta.  Is everything okay?  Would you like a drink?

Kenta: No.  Alright, I’m just gonna read over your profile now.  You’re both our oldest and second-oldest character, middle age in appearance, but in reality- how old are you?

Merlin: I’m forty-three.

Kenta: Come on.  Seriously.  How old are you?

Merlin: Okay, you got me.  I’m really forty-seven.

Valtor: He’s not going to tell us, Kenta.  Just move on.

Kenta: *Grumble* Instead of wise-ass, you’re titled a “mentor” in nearly all your stories.  Also- *Looks closely at paper*  . . . you’re an A-class entity?

Valtor: He’s even stronger than Ryushune.

Merlin: Really?  Do I look dangerous to you?

Kenta: . . . and it says you’re a phoenix.  Whenever somebody kills you, you’re forced into that immortal form, until your bodily restoration is complete.  *Looks up* Based on that, you’ve obviously got many more years of wisdom than us mortal humans.  Care to say something wise?

Merlin: Isn’t that part of the show later?  *Distracted* I really like this chair.  How much did you pay for it?

Kenta: *Pissed* Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy!  It’s time for questions, and I’m going to ask something that the Creator doesn’t even know the answer to!

Merlin: All right.

Kenta: Alright!  Why is it that your hair’s black, but your daughter Kristora’s is blue?

Merlin: That’s easy.  She takes after her mother, genetically.

Valtor: Mrs. Durai had naturally blue hair?

Merlin: You’ve never watched Please Teacher, have you?

Valtor: I survived three quarters of the way into the first episode.  Then cleavage exploded out of nowhere, and . . . y’know, I’m not supposed to look at naughty things.

Merlin: My point is, Mizuho had pink hair, and so did her mother.

Kenta: That’s because they were aliens.

Merlin: Okay, bad anime reference.  What about in Yu-Gi-Oh, where Bakura’s father has blue hair, but his is white?

Kenta: What about it?

Merlin: Is it genetic?  Do they dye their hair for kicks?  You’re part of the White-Haired Kids Club, Kenta, surely you guys have discussed this already.

Kenta: No, we usually talk about girls.

Merlin: What, you mean there aren’t any ladies in there?

Kenta: Let’s see . . . *Counts off fingers* Bakura, Enzan, Kabuto, Riku- wait, Riku quit.  Brendan, Eyes Rutherford, Haru . . . nope.

Valtor: Wait, how did we get onto this subject?  Why are you talking about hair so much?  And why’s Merlin the one asking the questions?

Merlin: It’s fun to ask the questions!

Kenta: (F@#$!)

Merlin: What’s your natural hair color, Kenta?

Kenta: Okay, that’s enough!  I’ll ask the questions.  Merlin, whenever you die and revert to phoenix form, don’t your clothes burn off?

Merlin: Ah yes, but I always take care to remove my trench coat before dying.  Then I can put it back on afterwards, and modestly cover up everything.

Valtor: How do you know when to do that?

Merlin: Life experience, as Kenta mentioned before.  It’s rather embarrassing to turn up naked to your comrades, after burning all your clothes away.

Kenta: (HAH!)  How many times has that happened before?

Merlin: Twice.

Valtor: You’re . . . not embarrassed to admit that?

Merlin: Should I be embarrassed about something that is out of my control?

Kenta: You’re not making this easy.

Merlin: Would you like me to become a fool?  I’ll try, if you really want me to.

Kenta: No way!  I’m going to get you with something before this is all over!

Valtor: I’d better ask the next one.  What’s in all those pockets of your trench coat?

Merlin: Oh, just some collectables from the Periodic Table of Elements, a few plant seeds, and a new pair of glasses.

Kenta: How much does that weight?

Merlin: I’d offer you to try it on and find out, but regrettably, some of the things in here are fragile.

Kenta: That coat weighs a ton, doesn’t it.

Merlin: Watching you collapse under it would’ve been amusing.  But I set a terrible example with my cruelty.

Valtor: I would’ve peed myself laughing.

Kenta: Remember the Aqua Self-Image incident?  You’ve done it before.

Merlin: Refrain from doing so again, if you can.

Valtor: I’ll be careful.

Kenta: M’kay.  Final question, then we’ll roll the clip.

Merlin: Go on.

Kenta: Do you have to eat?  Like, ever?

Merlin: Technically, no.  But I do it gladly.  Why do you ask?

Kenta: Does that mean you poop?

Merlin: Kenta!

Valtor: You WOULD ask something like that, Kenta!

Kenta: Oh c’mon, we’re all adults here.

Kid from the Audience: Haaaaa ha ha ha ha!  He said poop!

Merlin: Honestly, I’m surprised at you.  But if you want to know so badly, yes.

Kenta: Oh.

Valtor: (Are you satisfied?)  We’re moving on.  It’s time for “Roll The Clip,” and Kenta’s the one who picked this memorable incident of Merlin’s.  Let’s get ‘r revved up.

*Clip Starts*

“Stay away from my daughter.”
The voice came from the doorway, and everyone turned to look at the newcomer.  Kenta recognized the voice, but not the fury behind it.  Standing there with his glasses removed and his trench coat over his shoulder, was Merlin Durai.  Voivode tossed the Songbreeze’s broken blade aside and strode towards the doorway; towards Merlin.  “How many more of you are going to survive my vampires and get through to my chamber?” he asked curtly, levitating slightly off the ground.  Merlin closed his eyes.  “Many more will survive.  The battle is almost over.”  He opened them again, and Kenta wondered if he was seeing correctly.  Merlin’s eyes no longer had pupils, but glowed brilliantly with a shining golden aura.  “But no more will need to come in here.”
Voivode froze at seeing the eyes, and for a moment, Kenta thought he detected fear from the crusnik.  A moment later, it was gone.  Voivode’s fangs lengthened from his mouth, and powerful negative energy pulsated from his body.  “You’re not a human, are you?” he said smoothly, in a deeper and more forbidding voice.  “I’d say you’re not even a Secondary.”  He watched with great interest as Merlin’s back began to illuminate gold.  “But should the question be what you are . . . or who you are?”
He really is a phoenix, thought Kenta excitedly, watching in fascination as the golden wings finished materializing on Merlin’s back.
“Both questions hardly matter,” Merlin replied, dropping his trench coat to the floor and approaching Voivode.  “All I wish to know is what the end of this day brings.”
Voivode smiled darkly.  “Let’s find out.”
The two of them disappeared from sight, then two light spheres suddenly smashed into each other at the center of the room.  The impact sent out bursts of battle energy from both fighters, a suffocating negative force from Voivode, and an overwhelming, powerful warmth from Merlin.  The spheres broke apart, then shot past one another before pounding off the walls and passing by again.  A second later, two great holes burst open in the walls, sending stone fragments flying and letting in the dim light from outside.  Finding his legs again, Kenta stumbled to his feet and pulled Kristora and Ryushune back until they were against the wall.  “Stay low,” he said over another explosion.  “We have to be as insignificant as possible.”
A whirlwind had appeared at the center of the room, and for a brief moment, Merlin and Voivode appeared within it, their bodies twisted out of usual proportion.  Then they had vanished again, and the middle floor and ceiling exploded, throwing chunks of rock everywhere.  A burst of heat energy emitted from a corner of the room, turning the floor to instant glass.  Immediately, the great glass shard was cracked down the middle by something, and the halves separated and spun in two random directions.  One slid very close to where Kenta’s little party crouched, and Kenta looked at it in wonder.  Embossed upon it was half a human footprint.


*Clip shuts off*

Valtor: Hey, what gives?!  I was really getting into that!

Kenta: You’re just going to have to purchase a copy of M.A.G.I.C. Number when it comes out in 2011.

Valtor: You selfish bast- *Slaps hands to mouth in horror*

Kenta: VALTOR!  I heard that!  Where the hell are your manners?!

Merlin: Um . . . excuse me.  That scene’s rather misrepresentative of me.

Kenta: Yeah, but isn’t it the most bad-ass thing ever?

Merlin: But I’m not normally like that.

Kenta: Would you rather I showed the clip of you crying your eyes out on your bed?

Merlin: That’s hitting below the belt, Kenta.

Valtor: Kenta, how dumb are you?!  Why do you keep provoking absolute powerhouses to anger?  Don’t you remember what happened last time?

Kenta: That was the Guy From The Sidelines, not me.

Valtor: You probably pushed Ryushune nine-tenths of the way to his dragon from.

Kenta: Ooh, that reminds me, it’s time for Character Comparisons!  Ryushune, our last episode’s guest, was compared to Balmung, Squall, and Sanosuke!  The results are in, and the majority of the votes say . . . Balmung of the Azure Sky!

Merlin: The Creator was a big fan of .Hack// during the time Ryushune was born.  When he discovered the Manakete species, Ryushune was all set to go.

Kenta: Ryushune’s just the strong and silent type, I suppose.  I think at one time, the Creator tried to make me like that.

Valtor: Pfft, we’ve all seen how that turned out.

Kenta: Oh, shut up.  We’re moving on to the new canon pick.  Ladies and gentlemen, would you say that Merlin Durai is most like . . .
A. Albus Dumbledore from the Harry Potter series?
B.  Dr. Tofu from Ranma 1/2?
C. Or Professor Charles Xavier from X-men?
Don’t forget, your pick will be revealed on the show's next episode!

Merlin: Actually, my personality has already been adopted.  I’m from Phoenix Rising, and Michael Anastas is the only person who really owns any rights to my character.

Kenta: . . . does the Creator really need to repeat what a dirty-rotten thief he is?  He’s done it countless times, in almost every RPG we’ve ever been in.

Valtor: Besides, weren’t you a lot more angry and **** in that book?

Merlin: The Creator would like to think that I survived the attack between Ho-oh and Wraith.  He’s currently attempting to convince everyone that I withdrew into his imaginary Herron Region, where I had a boy named Justus who-

Kenta: Ssh!  Don’t spoil it now!

Valtor: It’s time for the Words of Wisdom for today.  Merlin, got something?

Merlin: Um, I did, but I forgot.  Can I quote them at the end of the show?

Valtor: Sure, why not?  Charlie!  Mail time!

*The squeaking of wheelbarrow wheels can be heard, Charlie enters with his usual load of letters*

Charlie: (Burning the building didn’t work last time . . . gonna have to think up something else . . .)

Kenta: Candy Mountain, Charlie!

*Charlie dashes offscreen, holding his ears*

Merlin: Well.  That was rather inconsiderate of his feelings.

Valtor: Let’s just look into the mail . . . I see Charlie brought us the wrong batch today.

Kenta: I’m opening the first letter to Merlin.  "Dear Merlin Durai:
          Any particular reason, back in the forest outside of Konoha, you took Kristora and ran like a coward leaving the other whiners and I to face down Oroki? I still can't go near shadows, man!

            JACKASS!!!!!!!!
                 ~Saiko Uchiga.
        P.S: Tell Levian I like his sisters by the way."

Merlin: *Adamantly* Priorities come first.

Kenta: I’m actually with Merlin on this one.  Who do you save first, the genins with as much potential as the Hokage himself as a child, or the helpless, not-ninja, only daughter, MY fiancée, Kristora?  *Points directly at the camera* Suck on that, Saiko!  Oh, and I’m not going to tell Levian you like his sisters!

Levian’s Voice: *From offstage* What? There’s another psycho after my sisters?

Kenta: F@#$.

Valtor: *Loudly* “Dear Merlin,

Short and sweet, you kick ass.

-A.M.”

Merlin: I do?

Kenta: See?  See?  I was right to pick that video clip after all!

Valtor: You suck.  “Dear Bobbing For Lobsters-” Hey, this one’s directed at our staff!

“I have reason to believe that Kenta's hair is a sewn-on wig. While perusing the backstage of your building, I nearly stumbled in on the first show. From my distance, I could see what appeared to be a seam on the back of your head. Of course, I didn't want to ruin my cover, so I snapped a shot with a stolen cellphone and left. Useful devices, they are... What's your response?

Sincerely,
~ Leon Leviathan Kinotolian

P.S: Don't look up if you want to remain conscious till the end of the interview. Also, Valtor wins.”

*Valtor subconsciously looks up, then falls over a second later, out cold*

Kenta: Looks like he doesn’t win after all.

Merlin: Where is your brotherly love?!

Kenta: That’s the least of my concerns right now!  That guy’s on to my wi- I mean, my hair- I mean . . . oh look, there’s more to this letter!

“Dear Merlin Durai,

M.A.G.I.C. is fine and all, but can it compete with Lulu's Ultima Fury?

~ Tyren, AKA Zack-e-pants”

Merlin: Ultima Fury is arcane magic.  We’re not supposed to fool around with forces beyond our comprehension.

Kenta: So that’s a no.

Merlin: Indeed.  I’ve lived a long life.  I know where to draw the line.

Kenta: So Lulu would kick your butt.

Merlin: Yep.

Kenta: Ha, I th- wait, hold on!  What the hell!  You’re supposed to say that you’re a phoenixian, and you can’t die!  You’d win by outlasting her!

Merlin: I never said I can’t die.  And it wasn’t a question of who could outlast who.  You seem indignant, Kenta.

Kenta: Well duh, I’m indignant!  I’m a M.A.G.I.C. user too!  If Lulu could destroy even you, she’d mash me up!  How can you be so calm at a time like this?

Merlin: Kenta, I’d like you to take a moment of time out to think this over.  Tyren’s question is one like the Americans often debate with the Cubans.  “If you were to launch all your missiles, you could kill us five times over.  But if we were to launch all our missiles, we could kill you fifty times over.”  It’s foolish to ponder such a thing, because whoever launches first, obliterates the other either way.  Lulu could be Ultima-unlimited, but if you were to simply chop off her head with your Songale, it’s a fair guess that she’d die.

Kenta: Oh.  Well, yeah.

Merlin: M.A.G.I.C. is a natural power, not a supernatural one.  While it isn’t as strong as actual Forbidden Magic, it gets the job done all the same, and it's safer.  Hopefully, that job is to build up, and not to destroy.

Kenta: Okay, yes, I get it.  Come here and help me move Valtor’s body onto the Hot Seat.  I think someone hit him with a tranquilizer dart, then made a break for it.  I see why he had that metal detector, now.

Merlin: *Sarcastically* Am I boring you, Kenta?

Kenta: YES.  Nothing funny has happened for the last three- *Double-takes* Oh my gosh!  You’re being sarcastic!  You, Merlin Durai, of all people!

Merlin: Looks like you got one over me.

Kenta: Oh come ON, at least pretend to be embarrassed!

Merlin: I thought you didn’t want that.

Kenta: You know what?  Here.  You read the next letter, Mr. Mental Defenses.

Merlin: I like what you did with my initials, there. Very creative.  Ahem: “Dear Guy From The Sidelines,

I've been wondering this since the first interview, are you Max? You know, the little useless nerd that travels around with his ugly sister, May and the kid that never ages and started out with a hacked Pikachu, Ash? Or are you related to him some how? Also, why do you have such a negative attitude? For now on, I'm going to call you "Mr. Max Rip Off".

Sincerely,
iDemon

P.S. Levian, your sisters are hot."

Levian: *From the sidestage* Oh, you all just can go straight to Hell!

Kenta: Go home already, Levian!  Your interview has been over for weeks!

Merlin: Since this letter isn’t for either of us, should we just not worry about it?

Kenta: Works for me.  We’re going to pull one more, and call that it. “Dear Bobbing for Lobsters,

       I've loved your show since the first interview (though it's been only two so far).
How can I get the front row or any type of special seats?

                                           Sincerely,
                                               inu43

P.S- Does being tied up come with it (Hooray for being tied up!)?”

Merlin: Do you have some sort of relationship with this girl?

Kenta: No.  Why do you ask?

Merlin: No reason.  Anyway, I’m not the host.  What’s your response?

Kenta: I don’t think there are any seats left open.  Unless one of the audience members dies of dehydration (which incidentally, almost happened a couple days ago), there’s no getting seats.  There’s only one left open, and Valtor’s laying in it right now.

Merlin: And what about the tying up part?

Kenta: We only tie up dangerous people, now.  Think about it- what would go through our viewers’ minds, if they saw an underage girl in bondage on this stage, with two guys asking her extremely awkward questions?

Merlin: . . . are you going to be interviewing my daughter at some point in this series?

Kenta: Y-yes.

Merlin: *Pleasantly* I hope you haven’t forgotten about my battle with Count Longreign, Kenta.  Particularly after that recent reminder of a movie clip.

Merlin: Please be nice to Kristora, when it comes to be her turn.  Now then, I believe it’s time for the Skeptic’s Input section of your show.  As you seem to be frozen up in terror, shall I invite him to the stage?  Mr. Guy, if you would be so kind . . .

*Imperial March theme plays.  Enter Guy From The Sidelines, stage right*



Guy From The Sidelines: *To Kenta* Good evening, Inuyasha ripoff.  I just love how you and your brother travel in separate parties as rivals, and how your girlfriend journeys with you nearly all the time.

Kenta: *Mouth forms the words “shut up”*

Guy From The Sidelines: I never get tired of that.  *Eyes Merlin* So, you’re the legendary Stolen One of the Creator’s character pool.  I’ve got a LOT to say to you.

Merlin: Certainly, go right ahead.  But first, I have something that I think is for you.

Guy From The Sidelines: What the fudge?
“Dear Guy From The Sidelines,

I've been wondering this since the first interview, are you Max? You know, the little useless nerd that travels around with his ugly sister, May and the kid that never ages and started out with a hacked Pikachu, Ash? Or are you related to him some how? Also, why do you have such a negative attitude? For now on, I'm going to call you "Mr. Max Rip Off".

Sincerely,
iDemon

P.S. Levian, your sisters are hot.”

Kenta: *Snort*

Guy From The Sidelines: Wipe that smirk off your face.

Kenta: What, are you the Trick Master now?

Guy From The Sidelines: I wouldn’t be talking if I were you.

Kenta: Whatever you say, useless nerd with an ugly sister.

Guy From The Sidelines: . . . don’t do this, Kenta.  I don’t want to have to **** your self-esteem.  You would never fully recover from the trauma.  Then what will the Creator do?

Kenta: Hey, where’s Merlin?

Guy From The Sidelines: He’s gone!  What in the freaking-?! . . . you know what, hell with this, I’m leaving.  Goodbye, everyone.  You all still suck. *Vanishes*

Kenta: Hm. *Looks around* I’m all alone on the stage.  Merlin somehow avoided Guy From The Sidelines’s wrath, Guy got all pissy and left, and Valtor’s out cold in the Hot Seat.  This is a rather awkward way to end.  *Looks down* And . . . I see I peed myself from Merlin’s threat earlier.  Oh, the irony.  I’m just going to end the show now-

Merlin: Words of Wisdom for today!  “Friendship is like peeing on yourself! Everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings!”

Kenta: Turn off the @#$%ing camera!
Report Spam   Logged

Recently discovered Pathfinder (modern D&D). Thanks for introducing me to the concepts all those years ago.
America
And I'll be the hero!
Resident
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 1475


Alfred/America [Hetalia: Axis Powers]


WWW
Badges: (View All)
Combination Topic Starter Poll Voter Level 4 Level 3
« Reply #11 on: September 05, 2008, 06:41:57 am »

Merlin's words of wisdom have been an inspiration to us all (at least, to me it has)! XD

Now, I'm gonna curl up on my chair and wait for me to leave for school. Dx
Report Spam   Logged

"To love someone... It is not to shut one's eyes to the other, nor to block one's ears to the truth... To love one another... Is to walk through life together... Open your eyes, open your ears... Look at each other... and together seek the best path for the both of you." -Endrance, .hack//G.U. Reminisce

*Didn't draw the icon.  I don't know who did, but they're amazing and they deserve the credit.
Picard
Tamamo-no-Mae
Administrator
I ♥ Aisenfield!
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 30570


Beyond the Horizon



Badges: (View All)
Tenth year Anniversary Nineth year Anniversary Eighth year Anniversary Level 7 Linux User
« Reply #12 on: September 05, 2008, 06:47:24 am »

Hilarious as always, Kenta. I had a little discussion with my characters, and they decided to write a letter to you. I tried keeping a drunken Ramirez from writing, but to no avail, sadly. Oh, Merlin reminds me more of Dumbledore, I suppose. Having hair and looking somewhat old helps.

"Dear Bobbing For Lobsters,

I've been watching your show from the Fourth Dimension. It has been most amusing and a wonderful way to kill time, if you would pardon the expression. Here is a list of people I have collaborated that would like to express their sentiments to your talk show. Firstly, Sabriel's a big fan of your show, and sh-

(Body of message has been vandalized by a messy scribble and a few large blots of rum)

And finally, Balmung here says that he's most flattered that the Creator liked him as a character from .hack, despite the fact that he looked terrible during the G.U. era because Aura had forgotten to code him properly.

In my conclusion, I hope that Bobbing For Lobsters will continue to be a resounding success.

P.S. Picard wants the Songale back. His wall looks strange with a missing sword.
P.S.S. Cupido expresses his affection for Levian's sisters, despite the age gap.
P.S.S.S. Neige's coming to get you, Kenta. Better find a place to hide.

Yours truly,
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Creator of Empericulum"
Report Spam   Logged

Chey
Resident
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 1249




Badges: (View All)
Combination Topic Starter Poll Voter Level 4 Level 3
« Reply #13 on: September 05, 2008, 07:00:44 am »

-Writes a letter-

DEAR BOBBING FOR LOBSTERS

Why isn't Randy Orton on the freaking show?!

Hasn't read it yet cause I didn't know it was here until 2 minutes ago when DB told me to come here and write a letter. So I did. And now I'm here.

From me. Aka Chey. Aka Avery. Aka your future Women's Champion.
Wink
Report Spam   Logged
All About Amazing Alliterations
The Champion of Aisenfield
Resident
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 390


Lookin' for love.



Badges: (View All)
Combination Topic Starter Poll Voter Level 3 Level 2
« Reply #14 on: September 05, 2008, 03:32:16 pm »

Saiko is displeased! VERY DISPLEASED! *Breaks rope bonds with borrowed Saiko-powers*

I'm out!

Funny as always Kenta. Keep it up man! WOO! *Wolf-whistles at Levians Sisters* :3
Report Spam   Logged

What Vocaloid Character You Are Most Like
 
My Results:

 


 
Kagamine Rin
 
Crazy and tough, no one should mess with you.  You'll stick up for your friends and you aren't afraid to.  No one could have a more true friend than you.

Zelo is... Rin?!?
Pages: [1] 2 3 4   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Bookmark this site! | Upgrade This Forum
SMF For Free - Create your own Forum

Powered by SMF | SMF © 2016, Simple Machines
Privacy Policy