(( WARNING: There be spoilers in this one for Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII. ))
Tyren is seen massaging his temples. There is a sack of ice on his head and several cuts on his face. The stage and his desk, apparently, have been magically brought back to 100%. He blinks at the camera and shakes the ice off.Tyren: Welcome back, ladies and idi-- I mean, gentlemen... For those of you curious, Leon and Sephiroth had a bit of a scrap, but I put that to rest by bringing in Cloud and Lord High Summoner. While the latter got off with but a couple scratches, I'm afraid to say you won't see your spiky hair-stealing nitwit around for a while. But I've got his swords till then, at least.
He pulls a complete, yet bloodied First Tsurugi from behind his desk and waves it above his head. The crowd oohs and aahs until he sets it back down.Tyren: It's actually pretty light for me... Maybe Cloud's just a pansy. I don't know.
Sephiroth: No need to say that twice.
Sephiroth is sitting content on the couch with Leon and Genesis Rhapsodos. He is in the middle.Tyren: -- Oh, right, I forgot you were here. Which one of you cares to explain what else happened?
Genesis: Well, my comrade and the undead abomination here found themselves to have several things in common.
Leon: Like fangirls worshipping our bodies, and our usage of... Long swords.
A portion of the female audience faints on the spot. Leon and Sephiroth merely grin.Tyren: Yes, well, wait until I bring my star character on set. ANYWAY... As you can see, we've decided to bring our other two guests - Sephiroth and Genesis - on with our first. Don't ask why... Speaking of asking, let's pose our first question this round, shall we?
Leon: Go for it, flesh.
Tyren: Right, then. Genesis, as all the Crisis Core fans will know, is the primary antagonist who infact seeks to be a hero. It's a contradiction, really... The question is, why didn't you try saving and protecting people instead of going after the viewed heroes, Zack and Sephiroth?
Genesis: Hollander. He convinced me at the time that, if I slew the current heroes, I would take their place in the peoples' hearts. Of course, like the Harry Potter series, I later found his words to be meaningless, repetitive drivel.
He is immediatly booed by the **** Potter fans upon finishing his sentence.Tyren: I see. And what about your obsession with the Banora Apples?
Genesis: Have you not tasted one? They're quite delectable... Here, try it.
Genesis produces one of the aformentioned fruits from his coat and tosses it to Tyren, who catches it and rips a bite out. He munches for a few moments before swallowing, uttering a contemplative 'hm'.Tyren: ... Wow. If that was any more delicious, it'd be considered orgasmic.
Leon: I'm sure that's not the only thing you'd find orgasmic.
Tyren: What do you mean?
Leon: As one of your characters, I've had both the privilege and displeasure of viewing your mind's contents. On one particular perusal, I found an interesting one-on-one session between Cissnei and Ae--
The First Tsurugi is suddenly lodged into Leon's chest, causing the audience to gasp. He lays still for several moments.Genesis: ... Err... Is he dead?
Tyren: Of course not. He's an invulnerable Nosferatu; bastard couldn't die if he wanted to.
Leon's head raises up after this.Leon: There's also the fact I'm still undead, in case you don't understand the word "Nosferatu".
With that, he pulls the imitation buster sword from his chest and casually hands it back to Tyren, a gaping hole in his chest and stomach lingering for ten seconds before starting to visibly close up.Leon: And if you really wanted to keep your sexual fantasies quiet, all you had to do was ask... This was my favorite sleeveless, you know.
Tyren: Fine, fine, I'm sorry... Moving on, we've a couple questions for Mr. Pretty Hair Perfect Ass.
Sephiroth: Me?
Tyren: That's what Zack calls you.
Sephiroth: ... I'm going t--
Tyren: Sephiroth, how is it you never knew Hojo and Lucrecia were your parents?
Sephiroth: Well, there's a reason for that... One, I was told very young that my mother was named Jenova. Two, Hojo doesn't really resemble a father figure, last time I checked...
Tyren: I beg to differ.
Sephiroth: What?
Cid Highwind saunters on stage, slamming a tape recorder onto Tyren's desk.Tyren: Thanks, Cid.
Cid: F*ckin' welcome.
He turns on his heel and heads off. Tyren hits Play.(( To listen to what's on the 'tape', go to this link:
http://www.schala-kitty.net/orglix/crisis/ - Click on "Bedtime Story". ))
Following the tape, Tyren peers at Sephiroth.Tyren: If that wasn't your first clue, you really must suck at mental competitions.
Sephiroth: ... I... Err... Okay, I give.
Tyren: Do you remember that incident, Genesis? ... Genesis?
Leon is seen rocking Genesis back and forth in his arms, glaring back at Tyren. The red-clad SOLDIER is sucking his thumb, an appalled look on his face.Genesis: Don't... Don't want to go back in the tuuube...
Leon: Two hemostats, flesh.
Tyren: In the fridge, like usual... Right, I think we'll take another break while Genesis recovers. But first, one more question based on that tape... Sephiroth, how do you respond now to rumors that you've slept with Director Lazard?
Sephiroth: No comment.
Tyren: I thought so.
(( NOTE: A hemostat is a pack of medical blood, usually taken from patients for analysis purposes. Leon is a Nosferatu, AKA Elder Vampire, so... ))