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Roleplay Hunters: Tyren's Insane Talkshow (PG-16; be advised)

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« on: August 08, 2008, 06:17:54 pm »

(( Mind you, this Tyren is me, not the character. That, and this first bit is more serious than lulz. You want lulz, scroll to the end. ))

Tyren: Hello, and welcome to what might be one of the more sane talkshows on the air--

Crewman off stage: The title says 'Insane'...

Tyren: Shut up, you... Anyway, our first guest is the time-travelling vampire, the Pale Vagrant, the eldest of Nosferatu, and all those fun titles... Leon Kinotolian!

As Leon walks on stage, the female members of the audience - and even some males - start screaming in ecstasy. Bras are thrown up, one of which he catches between two fingers, sighting the very person whom threw it and giving a malicious, yet surprisingly-appealing grin in return. He paid her no mind as she fainted from shock, the Nosferatu casually releasing the bra into the air and finishing his stroll across the stage, and taking his seat next to Tyren's surprisingly-clean desk.

Tyren: Well, sounds like someone's popular with the women.

Leon: Let's just say that the undead are not so... Weak in their loins.

A chorus of moans and shrieks rings out as he ends the sentence. Tyren shakes his head before continuing on.

Tyren: Right, well, first question that I'm sure is on everyone's mind. Do you expect to be in any more roleplays soon?

Leon: Oh, yes. Assuming that Avalon RP finally launches, I will be making plenty of appearances there... Aside from that, I might make a brief cameo in your soon-to-come roleplay... What was it?

Tyren: The one set in the Journey To The Center Of The Earth movie. Which reminds me...

He peels his eyes off Leon long enough to make a note on his laptop, which is conveniently located in front of him.

Tyren: Next question, and it's a fan question... How many women have you slept with? I mean, you're over five thousand years old, and been to god knows how many worlds, so you've had time to kill I'm sure.

Leon: Well... I'll say this much. Eighty-three percent of the audience here has an ancestor whom I've bedded.

The audience 'oohs' in interest.

Tyren: Wow, erm... I'm not sure what to make of that... ANYWAY, back to your cameo mention. How is that going to work, time-traveller or not?

Leon: It's not that complicated, really. While I could easily zap them out to safety in - how do you put the expression... - the blink of an eye, that would make the roleplay very short. Therefore, you could say I will be 'in the shadows', observing. Possibly a full appearance at one or two points, depending on what happens.

Tyren: I see. Still, this isn't your conventional setting, is it? You're usually in the heat of battle, or slaughtering hordes of nameless generics. How is that going to work?

Leon: I'm sure you can attest to this, but for those whom don't know, I can play espionage roles, as well as those in the shadows, and similar areas... I'll find some enjoyment out of it.

Tyren: Gee, I'm sure that's not the only thing you'll enjoy.

Leon: What're you accusing me of, meal?

Tyren: Err, nothing. Nothing at all. Certainly nothing sexual, or involving the possible female cast. Never.

The audience chuckles at Tyren's sarcastic cover-up.

Leon: ... Riiight... Move it along, if you will.

Tyren: Of course, but we're out of, err... "Serious" questions.

Leon: Then ask whatever you like. I have time.

Tyren: *"Obviously..."* Another fan question. How do you answer to rumors of sleeping with Sephiroth?

Leon: Silver-haired SOLDIER, long katana, fights with that spiky blonde amnesiac?

Tyren: Yeah.

Leon: Hell no. He's nothing more than a momma's boy who overcompensates with that Masamune.

Tyren: I don't recommend that, Leon...

Leon: Why?

Tyren points off-stage. Leon calmly glances over his shoulder in time to see Sephiroth taking a swipe at him. He raises a gauntlet to stop Masamune, jumping and spiralling off the chair and in front of Sephiroth, upon which they begin to duke it out, destroying much of the stage. As they back off into the behind-the-scenes area, Tyren sighs, thumping his head on his now-dented desk.

Tyren: We'll be right back, after I get those two pretty boys to quit tearing sh*t up. Hang tight, folks.
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« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2008, 06:23:42 pm »

Always knew you were insane, Tyren. xD
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"To love someone... It is not to shut one's eyes to the other, nor to block one's ears to the truth... To love one another... Is to walk through life together... Open your eyes, open your ears... Look at each other... and together seek the best path for the both of you." -Endrance, .hack//G.U. Reminisce

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« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2008, 06:27:13 pm »


Leon: Well... I'll say this much. Eighty-three percent of the audience here has an ancestor whom I've bedded.

Is that all? My, seems I'm better than I thought....


Leon: Hell no. He's nothing more than a momma's boy who overcompensates with that Masamune.

*twitch*

YAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

*runs from crowd into the fight*
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~Credit to DT

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              "My soul, corrupted by vengeance
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               Legend shall speak
               Of sacrifice at world's end
               The wind sails over the water's surface
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« Reply #3 on: August 08, 2008, 06:41:12 pm »


Leon: Well... I'll say this much. Eighty-three percent of the audience here has an ancestor whom I've bedded.

Is that all? My, seems I'm better than I thought....


Leon: Hell no. He's nothing more than a momma's boy who overcompensates with that Masamune.

*twitch*

YAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

*runs from crowd into the fight*

Hey!  Why not make it a Zack vs. Sephiroth vs. Cloud match. 
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« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2008, 08:44:44 am »

See, this is why I refrained from insulting Sephiroth. LHS would duke it out with your characters, and ruin the stage. My stage still needs fixing following the Zelo vs. Seth brawl that went on.
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« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2008, 09:00:00 am »

I'm thinking more security is needed for the next show.
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« Reply #6 on: August 09, 2008, 05:17:28 pm »

(( WARNING: There be spoilers in this one for Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII. ))

Tyren is seen massaging his temples. There is a sack of ice on his head and several cuts on his face. The stage and his desk, apparently, have been magically brought back to 100%. He blinks at the camera and shakes the ice off.

Tyren: Welcome back, ladies and idi-- I mean, gentlemen... For those of you curious, Leon and Sephiroth had a bit of a scrap, but I put that to rest by bringing in Cloud and Lord High Summoner. While the latter got off with but a couple scratches, I'm afraid to say you won't see your spiky hair-stealing nitwit around for a while. But I've got his swords till then, at least.

He pulls a complete, yet bloodied First Tsurugi from behind his desk and waves it above his head. The crowd oohs and aahs until he sets it back down.

Tyren: It's actually pretty light for me... Maybe Cloud's just a pansy. I don't know.

Sephiroth: No need to say that twice.

Sephiroth is sitting content on the couch with Leon and Genesis Rhapsodos. He is in the middle.

Tyren: -- Oh, right, I forgot you were here. Which one of you cares to explain what else happened?

Genesis: Well, my comrade and the undead abomination here found themselves to have several things in common.

Leon: Like fangirls worshipping our bodies, and our usage of... Long swords.

A portion of the female audience faints on the spot. Leon and Sephiroth merely grin.

Tyren: Yes, well, wait until I bring my star character on set. ANYWAY... As you can see, we've decided to bring our other two guests - Sephiroth and Genesis - on with our first. Don't ask why... Speaking of asking, let's pose our first question this round, shall we?

Leon: Go for it, flesh.

Tyren: Right, then. Genesis, as all the Crisis Core fans will know, is the primary antagonist who infact seeks to be a hero. It's a contradiction, really... The question is, why didn't you try saving and protecting people instead of going after the viewed heroes, Zack and Sephiroth?

Genesis: Hollander. He convinced me at the time that, if I slew the current heroes, I would take their place in the peoples' hearts. Of course, like the Harry Potter series, I later found his words to be meaningless, repetitive drivel.

He is immediatly booed by the **** Potter fans upon finishing his sentence.

Tyren: I see. And what about your obsession with the Banora Apples?

Genesis: Have you not tasted one? They're quite delectable... Here, try it.

Genesis produces one of the aformentioned fruits from his coat and tosses it to Tyren, who catches it and rips a bite out. He munches for a few moments before swallowing, uttering a contemplative 'hm'.

Tyren: ... Wow. If that was any more delicious, it'd be considered orgasmic.

Leon: I'm sure that's not the only thing you'd find orgasmic.

Tyren: What do you mean?

Leon: As one of your characters, I've had both the privilege and displeasure of viewing your mind's contents. On one particular perusal, I found an interesting one-on-one session between Cissnei and Ae--

The First Tsurugi is suddenly lodged into Leon's chest, causing the audience to gasp. He lays still for several moments.

Genesis: ... Err... Is he dead?

Tyren: Of course not. He's an invulnerable Nosferatu; bastard couldn't die if he wanted to.

Leon's head raises up after this.

Leon: There's also the fact I'm still undead, in case you don't understand the word "Nosferatu".

With that, he pulls the imitation buster sword from his chest and casually hands it back to Tyren, a gaping hole in his chest and stomach lingering for ten seconds before starting to visibly close up.

Leon: And if you really wanted to keep your sexual fantasies quiet, all you had to do was ask... This was my favorite sleeveless, you know.

Tyren: Fine, fine, I'm sorry... Moving on, we've a couple questions for Mr. Pretty Hair Perfect Ass.

Sephiroth: Me?

Tyren: That's what Zack calls you.

Sephiroth: ... I'm going t--

Tyren: Sephiroth, how is it you never knew Hojo and Lucrecia were your parents?

Sephiroth: Well, there's a reason for that... One, I was told very young that my mother was named Jenova. Two, Hojo doesn't really resemble a father figure, last time I checked...

Tyren: I beg to differ.

Sephiroth: What?

Cid Highwind saunters on stage, slamming a tape recorder onto Tyren's desk.

Tyren: Thanks, Cid.

Cid: F*ckin' welcome.

He turns on his heel and heads off. Tyren hits Play.

(( To listen to what's on the 'tape', go to this link: http://www.schala-kitty.net/orglix/crisis/ - Click on "Bedtime Story". ))

Following the tape, Tyren peers at Sephiroth.

Tyren: If that wasn't your first clue, you really must suck at mental competitions.

Sephiroth: ... I... Err... Okay, I give.

Tyren: Do you remember that incident, Genesis? ... Genesis?

Leon is seen rocking Genesis back and forth in his arms, glaring back at Tyren. The red-clad SOLDIER is sucking his thumb, an appalled look on his face.

Genesis: Don't... Don't want to go back in the tuuube...

Leon: Two hemostats, flesh.

Tyren: In the fridge, like usual... Right, I think we'll take another break while Genesis recovers. But first, one more question based on that tape... Sephiroth, how do you respond now to rumors that you've slept with Director Lazard?

Sephiroth: No comment.

Tyren: I thought so.

(( NOTE: A hemostat is a pack of medical blood, usually taken from patients for analysis purposes. Leon is a Nosferatu, AKA Elder Vampire, so... ))
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« Reply #7 on: August 09, 2008, 05:42:34 pm »

Oh, wow. xD
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« Reply #8 on: August 09, 2008, 07:33:55 pm »

lol,  I approve *thumbs up*
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~Credit to DT

Quote
              "My soul, corrupted by vengeance
               Hath endured torment, to find the end of the journey
               In my own salvation
               And your eternal slumber.

               Legend shall speak
               Of sacrifice at world's end
               The wind sails over the water's surface
               Quietly, but surely."
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« Reply #9 on: August 10, 2008, 08:00:04 am »

Poor Genesis. XD
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« Reply #10 on: August 10, 2008, 08:59:57 am »

Tyren scares the people he interviews. o.O
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What Vocaloid Character You Are Most Like
 
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Kagamine Rin
 
Crazy and tough, no one should mess with you.  You'll stick up for your friends and you aren't afraid to.  No one could have a more true friend than you.

Zelo is... Rin?!?


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