The NOT Oprah Show: A.J.'s Talkshow! [Rated PG-13]

[A.J.]

*A.J. enters the stage, and applause can be heard all around*

A.J.: Hello, and welcome to The NOT Oprah Show! Here, we interview people that even Oprah wouldn't bother interviewing! And let's welcome our guest, me!

*A Crewmember rolls out a mirror and places it adjacent to A.J..*

A.J.: What, am I not good enough for you? CLAP! I COMMAND IT!

*A cricket can be heard chirping*

A.J.:Damn people, I don't get paid enough to do this....

Random Crewmember: Since when do you get paid?

A.J.: SILENCE!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!!

Random Crewmember: Dude, your not a puppet terrorist, those words mean nothing.

A.J.: Grrr....

Mirror: *silence*

A.J.: So, Mr. A.J., might I ask what you've done to recieve a spot on this show?

Mirror: *silence*

A.J.: I....see. Shy, eh?

Mirror: *silence*

A.J.: I'd prefer it if you'd talk....

Mirror: *Silence*

A.J.: Talk, you snobby a-hole, before I kick you in your *bleep*

Mirror: *Silence*

A.J.: Fine, you asked for it!

*A.J. stands and kicks the Mirror in the nuts, but it mimicks him and kicks him back, which brings him pain. Oddly enough, only his foot hurts*

A.J.: GRAAAAAHHHH!

Mirror: *Silence*

A.J.: Did you have to kick me back?

Mirror: *silence*

A.J.: Aww, now I feel bad. I'm sorry...

Mirror: *Silence*

A.J.: Y'know, I was sad when I'd found out I was going to work in this dump...

*A.J. grabs a beer out of nowhere and cracks it open, taking a sip. A cute squirrely hanging onto a branch appears on-screen, with the words "Hang in There!" scrolling across the screen. You wanna change the channel because obviously this show sucks, but the squirrely has hypnotised you with its cuteness and your hands are frozen in place. In a few minutes, the screen dissappears and A.J. reappears, drunk and confused*

A.J.: y'know, you're kinda hot for a me......you wanna go out sometime?

Mirror: *Silence*

A.J.: Oh, I see how it is. You're too good for me, is that it??

*A.J. throws a bottle of beer at the mirror, and it bounces harmlessly to the floor*

Mirror: Why I never! You are rude and obnoxious, and I can't take it anymore! Someone wheel me outta here!

*A crewmember comes and takes the mirror out, and the audience stares in awe*

A.J.: Well, it might just be the alchohol talking,  but did that thing just talk?

*The audience slowly nods, unsure of it themselves*

A.J.: Well, I guess the shows over for today. See ya' next week, ya crazy sons of *bleep*es.

*A.J. passes out onstage, and is carried off by an angry mob, who throw him in a dumpster*

A.J.: Thanks for the ride, guys! I'm kinda hungry, whats for lunch....

*A.J. digs around in the dumpster for a bit before passing out again*


END OF EPISODE 1

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[A.J.]

*A.J. enters the stage once again, an odd machine strapped to his head. The audience, used to this kind of stupidity by now, simply threw stuff at him while booing. Having a MASSIVE hangover from last episode, he doesn't notice.*

A.J.: Uh, first off...the studio's making me apoligize for being drunk last episode. I said some pretty hurtful things, and I'm ashamed...

Unkown voice: NO YOUR NOT!

A.J.: Uh, you may be wondering where that noise is coming from. It's our special guest, the voice in my head that tells me to hurt people! I just call him voice, and he'll tell me to kill you if you call him otherwise.

*The audience simply stares*

A.J.: What? We all get voices that tell us to do things like kill Barrack Obama, assassinate the people who made teletubbies, eat the flesh of baby children, right?

*The audience is quiet*

Random Person: I know what you mean!

A.J.: Thank you! Now, back to business. Voice, what are some of your hobbies?

Voice: Well, I like...killing things! Yeah! And telling other people to kill things is fun too. but that baby-eating thing, that was all you...

A.J.: Uh, so how is your life?

Voice: Pretty good, but I plan to end it soon.

*A.J. blinks a bit and takes a deep breath*

A.J.: And why would you do that?

Voice: Well, first of all, A.J. is an idiot. His idea of a genius is the guy who created Shrinky-Dinks!

A.J.: Hey! He makes tiny things big! He is a genius!

Voice: Sure....

random person in the crowd who is so unimportant that i'm not going to capitalize anything around him: You know what I think? I think his daddy beat him when he was little, and now he takes it out on A.J.! Good for you!

Voice: KILL HIM!!!!

A.J.: Nooo not again! Make the voices stop!

Voice:There's....more voices?

A.J.: Yeah, some chick.

Voice: Hey there, sweet thang.

Female voice: Please, your pathetic.

Voice: KILL HER!!!!

*A.J. picks up a nearby baby and, in a heroic attempt to save it, smashes it against the machine. The machine breaks and falls from his head.*

A.J.: Well, I guess since our "Guest" went away, the show is over! Have a good day!

*A.J. takes a healthy bite out of the baby and continues as the curtains closed.*

[America]

That was...slightly disturbing. o_o;

[A.J.]

That was...slightly disturbing. o_o;

So it should've been on YOUR show then, Ryu? xD

[America]

Er, no thanks. ^^;

[A.J.]

Er, no thanks. ^^;

lol I was bored...