April 19, 2024, 02:42:24 pm
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
1 Day
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
News
: Hello. I see the assassins have failed.
Home
Help
Arcade
Gallery
Staff List
Login
Register
Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
Aisenfield
>
Forum
>
Creativity Maxima
>
The Harp and the Songs
>
Video Game stories
>
Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
Pages: [
1
]
2
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future (Read 2567 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Sonic
I'm cool.
Veteran
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 1708
GET SOOOOMEEE
Badges:
(View All)
Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
«
on:
June 07, 2008, 10:31:36 pm »
Yo people. This idea has been in my head for a while, and now I'm starting it. Here's the prolouge for now. The chapters are going to be cut up into perspectives from the beginning, and I'm starting with Link.
~~~
Prolouge
10 years after the competitors from Brawl met, they were overtaken. The Brawl combatants were forcefully abducted from their homes only to be taken to an alien planet called Men-Kep. It’s an advanced civilization, filled with tan aliens.There, they meet the forgotten fighters of Melee. The people of Men-Kep took them so they can watch them fight for their own entertainment. They are in terrible living qualities and only fed before they have to fight. The citizens of Men-Kep bet on the fighters expected to win; and the money goes to the Men-Kep leader--Cekt Gamma. Cekt Gamma arranges the fights between combatants. If there was a large amount of money bet on one fighter, and they lost, they’d be taken to a dungeon for torture. Nobody has any hope. There are guards in front of every cell. Men-Kep isn’t letting anybody escape.
Report Spam
Logged
Sonic
I'm cool.
Veteran
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 1708
GET SOOOOMEEE
Badges:
(View All)
Re: Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
«
Reply #1
on:
June 08, 2008, 12:04:32 am »
I finished chapter one. Enjoy it!
~~~
Chapter One
Link sat on his cot, his head buried in his hands. In the cell with him—King Dedede. Link mumbled a few words of distress. Both of them were hungry. And Link had to keep Dedede away from him so he wouldn’t suck him up or anything like that. There was a moan from the crowd outside. The battle must be over, Link thought. And somebody must have lost.
About two minutes later, a small yellow mouse was escorted in by three other guards. Link watched as Pikachu was led into the cell next to Link’s, and he heard the door close with an iron clang. A few moments later, Mario was being dragged in the direction of the torture chamber by two other guards, followed by Cekt-Gamma. Gamma said a few angry words at Mario. Then he spat on him. Gamma then whispered to the guard holding Mario by his collar, and a few words to the other. The alien with Mario disappeared into the corridors.
Cekt Gamma wasn’t a very attractive alien. His face sagged and had about three chins. He looked pretty old—about 75 years old in human years. His head had what looked like liver spots on it. His face was angry and serious. His clothes were very regal. He had on a long purple robe, going with his tan skin.
Gamma walked down a different corridor, probably where he sat and watched the battle. Some kind of booth. While Link was observing Gamma, a guard appeared at the cell with two plates of rice. The guards of Men-Kep were taught English in order to communicate with the inmates. The guard was the same tone as Cekt Gamma. Just like every body else on Men-Kep. And he had on iron armor, and some kind of electric spear.
“Eat up,” The guard said roughly. “You two are up next,” The guard put the two plates of rice through the hole for food. King Dedede eagerly took the rice. But Link was reluctant to take it. Dedede gulped down the food, dumping it all in his mouth at once. Link played with the rice for a while, then ate it.
“Are we going to try and escape?” Dedede asked. Link closed his eyes and sighed.
“We can’t escape. There are guards everywhere. And even if we do get outside the arena, we have no way to get home.” Link’s voice was deep, and gravely. His voice had changed for the while he’d been here.
“We can. Gamma took Captain Falcon’s Blue Falcon and its somewhere under the arena.” Dedede replied.
“This is true. But we’d have to get extra people to help, and there’s not that many of us to fight all of the guards.”
“There has to be help somewhere out there. I know it. I feel it.”
“There’s not,” Their conversation was interrupted with the noise of the door unlocking. Three guards stood out of the cell, two with handcuffs. The two guards came in and handcuffed both of them. They didn’t fight back. This was all a routine.
The guards led the two fighters out to a dusty arena. It was styled as Final Destination—flat with no inclinations. Only this one had rocks and dirt. The crowd cheered and roared when the two came out. A guard came over to discuss the rules.
“Okay low lives. Here are the rules. One life. One life only. Whoever falls off first is the loser. Understand?” Link nodded, and so did King Dedede. Link moved to the other side of the arena. Link could see King Dedede’s legs shaking. There was a loud ring from the bell, and then Link ran at King Dedede.
Link’s dash attack landed on Dedede, only to be followed by the blow of King Dedede’s hammer. Link got back up on his feet, then used his spin attack. King Dedede slid back at least a foot. There was a cheer from the crowd. “Link! Link! Link! Link!” They said in an accented unison. Dedede inhaled Link, then walked over to the side of the arena to spit him out. The crowd gasped but link used his chain to grab on to the edge.
Link jumped back up, and threw his boomerang. King Dedede sidestepped the attack, but the tornado pulled him close to Link. And Link had charged up a smash attack. Link’s sword smashed into Dedede, sending him flying off the stage, underground. The crowd roared, and then the announcer said something in the Men-Kep language. Link exhaled loudly. There was no pride in this win. He was just making it harder for everybody to escape. They’re destroying themselves.
Report Spam
Logged
Kenji
Admincat
Administrator
I ♥ Aisenfield!
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 21238
Harem Master
Badges:
(View All)
Re: Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
«
Reply #2
on:
June 08, 2008, 02:16:24 pm »
I have to say, for an eleven year old, you've got some writing talent. But you're lacking in the descriptive department... Try fleshing out some details, giving actions more life, and overall making the story more appealing.
Report Spam
Logged
Sonic
I'm cool.
Veteran
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 1708
GET SOOOOMEEE
Badges:
(View All)
Re: Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
«
Reply #3
on:
June 08, 2008, 02:33:54 pm »
Thanks Tyren. I try to describe things. It was like 1 when I posted this and I wanted to get the 1st chapter out. =]
Report Spam
Logged
America
And I'll be the hero!
Resident
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 1475
Alfred/America [Hetalia: Axis Powers]
Badges:
(View All)
Re: Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
«
Reply #4
on:
June 08, 2008, 04:35:27 pm »
This is an awesome take on SSB!
Anyway, you already know that you lack a little in the description apartment, so I won't badger you about that. ^^; It'll be interesting to see how this will go, however. XD
Report Spam
Logged
"To love someone... It is not to shut one's eyes to the other, nor to block one's ears to the truth... To love one another... Is to walk through life together... Open your eyes, open your ears... Look at each other... and together seek the best path for the both of you." -Endrance, .hack//G.U. Reminisce
*Didn't draw the icon. I don't know who did, but they're amazing and they deserve the credit.
Sonic
I'm cool.
Veteran
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 1708
GET SOOOOMEEE
Badges:
(View All)
Re: Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
«
Reply #5
on:
June 08, 2008, 04:50:00 pm »
Thanks. I'll have the new chapter up by Tuesday, I guess.
Report Spam
Logged
>>>>Booster
Fuzzy
Esteemed Members
Resident
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 666
Badges:
(View All)
Re: Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
«
Reply #6
on:
June 08, 2008, 07:09:22 pm »
What Tyren said. Definitely impressive, considering this is a lot better than what I wrote when I was twelve and you're a year younger. Besides, I'm a sucker for Brawl. But if you ask me, it seemed like the fight between Link and Dedede was a little unrealistic in the department of length.
Report Spam
Logged
Psycho French Horn Almighty God of Soccer Tennis Bugler
Banned Member
Warned Members
Elite
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 2969
Badges:
(View All)
Re: Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
«
Reply #7
on:
June 11, 2008, 06:38:36 pm »
Your grammar has definitely improved since you first came here; I'll give you that. I couldn't find any grammatical errors of note, but I do think that you don't use enough conjunctions. Instead of He did this. He did that, it should be he did this and that, or instead of he wore this. his something was something. He wore a something over his something something. Sorry for the bad examples, but it has a good plot line and it's interesting.
Report Spam
Logged
This member has been permanently banned from Aisenfield.
Baron von Redberry
Banned Member
Warned Members
Addict
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 3191
Badges:
(View All)
Re: Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
«
Reply #8
on:
June 13, 2008, 03:19:06 pm »
Yeah, I really want to see where this goes. This might actually be the first fanfic I've followed in a long time. Looks interesting.
Report Spam
Logged
This member has been permanently banned from Aisenfield.
Sonic
I'm cool.
Veteran
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 1708
GET SOOOOMEEE
Badges:
(View All)
Re: Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
«
Reply #9
on:
June 13, 2008, 09:20:44 pm »
Chapter two. I had to do a little research for this one, so enjoy it!
~~~
Chapter Two
There was a sharp banging inside one of the cells. This was unusual, but the guards allowed it. The banging persisted, and then stopped. Ike was keeping his sword sharp by rubbing then banging his big sword on the cot. Even he was surprised the cot didnt split in half. The golden sword had gotten dull ever since everybody was imprisoned.
Ike was appointed to torture. A very large percent of the crowd had bet on Ike to beat Yoshi, says the guard that feeds everybody. The guard had also said that Cekt-Gamma was furious at Mario. Mario was in the torture chamber for twice as long. Ike really didnt know if the guard was telling the truth or not. Why would the guard be telling him all of this anyways?
Ike waited for about 20 more minutes. He was in the cell alone for right now. After hed finished being tortured, he would have a cellmate by time hell be back. Not that he cared. Hell be trying to see the damage come from the torture. And he would trying to get some rest. Maybe even planning a little strategy for now.
But that will have to wait. Five guards abruptly opened his cell door, then struck Ike to the ground. One guard took Ikes Aether that Ike dropped, and backed out of the cell. But Ike fought back.
Im not going anywhere! He said, trying to fight off the aliens and get his sword. Get the hell off of me! Ike punched one of the guards to the ground. One of the guards who wasnt trying to wrestle jabbed Ike in the side with their spear, paralyzing Ike. Damn, Ike thought.
The guards began to drag Ike down the corridor. Ikes muscles struggled but he couldnt move. After a few minutes of struggling, he gave up. Hed have to get tortured. Why do they do this anyways? While Ike was thinking, he was interrupted by the loud clanging of metal. He looked up, and saw the old-looking metal door open.
Welcome to the torture room,
Ike thought.
Ike was dragged into the torture room. It was a room, about the size of your average living room. Ike quickly glanced around to see what kind of torture devices they had there. There was something that looked like a rounded pepper grinder. There was an iron bowl filled with hot tar. There was a table, with what looked like handcuffs. And a rounded cage with what looked like an axel to spin around on. Nothing too lethal. They still had to fight.
The guards pushed Ike down into a chair and handcuffed him down, incase he got his strength back. But what Ike didnt see, was Cekt Gamma, sitting up in an elevated chair. He had a smile of arrogance. Then he spoke to Ike.
Welcome to the torture room. Gamma said. You have been unfortunate enough to be sent here for torture. Gamma nodded at one of the guards. The guard walked over to what looked like a pepper sprinkler, and poured the hot tar into it. A different guard took off Ikes handcuffs and took his shirt off and strapped him up onto the table.
What the hell are you going to do with me?! Ike demanded. Gamma raised what little he had of his eyebrows at him.
Such strong language, good sir. Youll eventually find out Despite what all that Cekt Gamma was doing here, he seemed to be calm and polite. Then the guard came over with the deviceits called the Lead sprinkler. Or the Tar sprinkler in this case. The guard began to drip the tar on Ikes stomach and chest. Ike yelled out in a great deal of pain. Gamma chuckled.
Like that dont you? He pointed to the cage. Take him to The Whirligig. Like carnival rides, Ike? Thisll be like no carnival ride youve ever been on Ike looked at his chest. The black tar was seeping into his skin. Ike winced in pain when the guard unhooked him from the table. The Whirligig was about 5 feet from the table. The guard opened up the door of the iron cage and pushed Ike in.
Then it spun. Another guard came and spun The Whirligig rapidly. Ike kneeled on one knee. He felt the urge to vomit. Eventually he did vomit. He spun for about 10 minutes, then it began to slow down. Then a guard snatched Ike of The Whirligig and threw him on the ground. Cekt Gamma walked up to Ike.
You cost me a lot of money. Gamma spat on him. Next time maybe youll try harder. He called the guards over. Take him back to his cell. Dont put his shirt back on. When hes relieved from his nausea, hell be able to put it on himself. I have a meeting to go to. The guards picked him up, and dragged it down the corridor, back to his cell.
Report Spam
Logged
Baron von Redberry
Banned Member
Warned Members
Addict
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 3191
Badges:
(View All)
Re: Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
«
Reply #10
on:
June 13, 2008, 10:21:22 pm »
You did a better job with description now. Good job. I have an idea for the story too. Maybe some of the bad guys could be like the ones from SSE. :\
Report Spam
Logged
This member has been permanently banned from Aisenfield.
Sonic
I'm cool.
Veteran
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 1708
GET SOOOOMEEE
Badges:
(View All)
Re: Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
«
Reply #11
on:
June 13, 2008, 10:38:13 pm »
Thanks Andre.
When Cekt Gamma said "I have a meeting to go to.”, thats pretty much a cliffhanger for the next chapter.
Report Spam
Logged
Baron von Redberry
Banned Member
Warned Members
Addict
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 3191
Badges:
(View All)
Re: Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
«
Reply #12
on:
June 13, 2008, 11:13:59 pm »
It'd have been more dramatic with a "DUN DUN DUUUUN!"
Report Spam
Logged
This member has been permanently banned from Aisenfield.
Sonic
I'm cool.
Veteran
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 1708
GET SOOOOMEEE
Badges:
(View All)
Re: Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
«
Reply #13
on:
June 13, 2008, 11:17:28 pm »
But that would have ruined the poetic vibe.
Report Spam
Logged
Baron von Redberry
Banned Member
Warned Members
Addict
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 3191
Badges:
(View All)
Re: Super Smash Bros: Alternate Future
«
Reply #14
on:
June 13, 2008, 11:20:25 pm »
But it'd help the ending so much more.. Anyway, go on writing the next chapter. But I'm not rushing you, just subtly implying that I'm not gonna spam up the topic anymore. Do it when you want.
Report Spam
Logged
This member has been permanently banned from Aisenfield.
Pages: [
1
]
2
Go Up
Print
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Announcements
-----------------------------
=> The Commandments
=> Finding One’s Way
=> Brave the New World
-----------------------------
General Category
-----------------------------
=> Members’ Lounge
===> Schoolwork Help
=> Forum Games
=> Heroes’ Hearth
=> Blog Forum
=> Chaotic Gloria
=> Gamers’ Corner
===> Pokemon-Related Forum
=> Otaku Haven
=> Worldly Media
===> Finding One's Way
===> Brave the New World
===> Members' Lounge
===> Heroes' Hearth
===> Chaotic Gloria
===> Gamers' Corner
===> Otaku Haven
===> Worldly Media
===> Forum Games
-----------------------------
Creativity Maxima
-----------------------------
=> Musings of the Pencil
=> Minstrels' Gathering
===> Anime Roleplays
===> Video Game Roleplays
===> Original Roleplays
===> Completed Roleplays
===> Character Profile Forum
===> Roleplay Discussion
=> The Harp and the Songs
===> Anime stories
===> Video Game stories
===> Original stories
===> Completed stories
===> Character Talkshows
-----------------------------
Grand Colosseum
-----------------------------
=> Rivals' Arena
=> Clash of the Artisans
Loading...